Ben Smalls' Diary - Part One

Friday: 11th October 2002

1230hrs. I have been on the ship for three hours now! Onboard and tired, very tired. I want to go home. I joined the ship earlier this morning after a quick flight across the Channel from London to Amsterdam - an agent took me by car to the vessel. I joined the ship in Rotterdam! I have even forgotten the name of the ship as so much in my head. So many new things happened, all in one morning.

1450hrs. The Chief Engineer (I have to call him Chief or so he said) told me to stay out of his way and do what I am told and nothing else. An Engineer whose name I cannot remember told me to ignore the Chief as he is just a grumpy old so and so, although those were not quite the words he used. My cabin is so small. It's like a little prison cell but probably a bit cleaner. Wow, so many names and all I can remember is Chief but then I am not supposed to talk to him. I want to cry and sleep, all alone inside a clean prison cell.

1900hrs. The Captain told me to stay out of his way and never to sit in his chair again. I don't know how it happened but somebody told me to sit in a certain chair in the saloon but the next moment I was being pulled bodily out of it by a red faced and hairy man with some gold stripes on his shoulders. I think he said his name was "Captain". My what a grumpy old ''sod" he is. Him and the Chief seem to be very chummy which doesn't leave much hope for me.

2200hrs. Tired or what! Never been so exhausted in all my life. A day of hell and tired with so many grumpy and superior people. Everybody seems very unfriendly. I was told to have a couple of drinks with the ships' crew this evening but nobody really talked to me. They more seemed to talk down to me as if I was a little kid!

Saturday: 12 October 2002

0700hrs. Feel like hell. Woke up at 6 o'clock and feel terrible. Why me? Tried to find breakfast but nothing nowhere and everything seems to be pad locked.

0745hrs. Breakfast was great. Fried eggs, bacon, all the good things in life. Asked the cook for "sunny side up" but he told me to scram and to get out of his way! Engine room in fifteen minutes, what do I wear and where is that door?

2230hrs. Good day today! Only one person told me to get out of his hair and I think I know the Third Engineers Name - BOB. Name of ship: MV Pounder. (Chief is still Chief and Captain is still Captain as far as I know.) Yep, too me it looks like a hunk of steel but everybody else calls it a General Cargo Vessel. What do I know? Looks good for my first ship, all dark blue and fawn with lots of wires and derricks and things on deck. All looks very complicated but "BOB" told me to take it easy and to keep off the deck for now and until we leave port. Too much going on or something. Found the Engine Room as well and I now know where the door is. Wow, must write home about the Engine Room as it looks like a scrap yard back home, all dark and dingy and filled with twisted metal and noise. Dirty as well. Ouch, my home for the next three months.
I spent most of the day walking around trying to get my bearings. I asked BOB in the afternoon where the Main Engine was situated and he said in a puzzled and slightly resigned way "you have been walking around it for most of the morning". Embarrassed or what but how was I to know it was so big?
Sat in the correct chair at dinner......Captain ignored me!

Sunday: 13 October 2002

1800hrs. I always thought that you started an engine by pushing a button. Wow, was I wrong. We left for somewhere in France today. Thought it would be press the button and away we go. Oh no, was I ever so wrong. "Second Engineer" told me to stay out of the way" which did not surprise me in the slightest. What is wrong with these people?

Starting the Engine reminds me of a load of bees in a hive. Everybody buzzing around ten to the dozen, all intent on their tasks and oblivious to the outside world. Alarms and sirens starting and stopping, engines cranking up and signals being made to herald another completed step in the chain. Safety checks and form filling punctuating the moments of silence as if no moment can go unused and then the phone call that brings in a new era of complete silence. The phone call where the Second Engineer said "it is all yours".

I worked out later that he was talking to the bridge and that this statement meant that the engines were ready for use. I did not, (dare not) ask anybody as they all seemed too busy and distant from Engineering Cadets that would like to learn something.

At sea and away. My first time on a ship at sea. Wow! Have been told that we will work watches as the trip is only a couple of days along the coast and through the English Channel. Don't really understand but I am with BOB on the twelve o'clock to 4 'clock watch. Good to be with BOB, he is nice and doesn't tell me to get out of the way all the time.

Day Summary. All at sea. In my brain as well as the ship. Left Rotterdam for somewhere in France. Okay day and learned a little bit. Chief gave me a notebook to write anything down in - it's full already, filled with an absolute jumble of unintelligible rubbish. Must try and get a new one and start again.

Name check:

Monday: 14 October 2002

0410hrs. Finished my first watch down the Engine Room. Wow, am gob smacked! Can't remember a thing. Main Engine running, Shaft turning, and we move along. Can't tell which way we are going when down the engine room except for the fact that it must be away from the shaft and forwards. New Words for today: Port, Starboard, Fwd and Aft.
Feel good an' tired. BOB showed me allot of things and I tried to remember them as I can't write them down because my notebook is too full of garbage. He told me to go to the galley and make him a cup of coffee but he said it tasted like "sand mixed with sewage", he probably won't want another one again. Yeeha - Full speed ahead! Whoops must get some sleep as am up again in seven hours.

1123hrs. Alarm clock has just rung and my eyes feel like grit. Need some match sticks to prop them open. Would anybody notice if I was late for the watch or did not turn up? Feel terrible, all my joint squeaking and in need of oil, my mind is sluggish and needs a kick start and my eyes break the imaginary match sticks that keep them open. Drag myself out of bed and towards the shower, too late for lunch now. Ah a cold shower is doing the trick and now to scrub the layer of night growth out of my mouth. Yuck! No time to shave, must get down the engine room otherwise somebody will say something bad.

0700hrs. Met the Chief before I went on watch as I was dragging my weary yet washed body and mouth along the corridor to the Engine Room door. He said to me "I don't want to see you unshaven again kid", ach, can't win! The Watch went okay, learned a few more things from good old BOB and he told me that this cup of coffee had less sand in it although now it tasted like well used dishwater. Maybe he will not ask me again to make a coffee. Two watches over and I think we went through the English Channel at some point - have not seen daylight since we left!

Day Summary. My coffee making abilities stink. Watches Stink. Trying to get out of bed is difficult - need to fix a chain block to my bunk to aid me in the task. Must remember to shave! Chief is still a grumpy old so and so! Must remember to eat sometime but which chair was mine?

Tuesday: 15th October 2002

0500hrs. Managed to get up to the Bridge today for the first time. Well, what happened was that I was alone in the Control room when the phone rang. I didn't know what to do and the last thing that I wanted was to answer the noisy thing - might be the Captain or the Chief. Frightening stuff. But Bob didn't come back from wherever he had gone and I found my hand against my will picking up the phone! Unintelligible garbage was all that I heard on the other end and the word Bridge! So I said "yes" and put the phone down. Why I said that, I do not know but if I had asked the caller to repeat I knew that I would still not understand. Bob was not happy, and told me to call back and find out what they wanted but I said I would go up to the Bridge instead. He just looked at me as if to say "where do they get these kids from?"

Up and up and up to the sky, passed the closed and silent doors of the ghostly and dim galley, past the closed doors that hide sleeping bodies of the lucky ones and upwards, getting darker the higher you go. Dark and dim the fluorescent sign on the door leads to the unknown. "Bridge" it said in an ominous and threatening way. I knocked on the door hopefully, but nobody replied. I knocked louder and the echo rebounded in the stairwell as I waited for somebody to relieve me of having to learn and struggle alone. Eventually, fearful of waking the sleepers and of being caught so unsure and helpless, I opened the door slowly not knowing what to expect. Opening the door I could see nothing only hear the silence. Hear it loud and clear as it carried the silent sounds of activity and purpose through the blackness. "Hello", I said in a weak and timid voice disrupting the tranquil aura that prevailed. "Hey tiny", a voice boomed disrupting even further the blackness "come on over here and take the weight off your feet". Seemed so out of place and so unreal, a voice from the unknown transported through time.

Yep, the dark bridge was a shock. I did not know that anything could be so dark and black. Having grown up in a city, lights are always around and even the night sky has a permanent glow to it as the street lights reflect off. But there on the bridge it was just black and silent and it took a while to get used to.
So anyway I have a new name to add to my list. TJ the second Officer or second Mate. He does the twelve to four watch on the bridge and is a really friendly person.
12-4 people must all be nice - except for BOB when phone calls are not answered.
"Never did find out what that phone call was about. Maybe TJ was just bored. I talked with him for a while and then returned to the Engine Room where BOB asked me where I had been. He didn't ask me about the phone call and all that stuff so that was okay and lucky for me. I have decided that if the phone rings I am going to run away and hide - leave all of that to BOB and others with better ears and translation skills.

Wednesday: 16th October 2002

2330hrs. Feel Sick. Got to France and went ashore. They made me go ashore, said it would make me grow up. Went ashore in a place called La Palice, small place called La Palice. Oooh, I feel sick. Must have drunk too much and feel sick. aaahh my stomach is bursting!

2350hrs. Feel better now, first time to be sick on a ship and it is not due to the movement! Went ashore tonight in a town called La Palice and visited most of the bars in town. Was dragged around by BOB, Peter and TJ and we where on a mission from God to drink the town dry in one night. They are still there chatting up some woman or other but I couldn't drink anymore and had to come back. Huh, here it comes again!

Day Summary. Went ashore in La Palice - too sick to write anymore.

Thursday: 17th October 2002

1020hrs. Smoko time - coffee break. Have escaped from everybody and hopefully myself for a few moments. Went down to engine room late this morning and Peter the Second Engineer said "drink allot, work a little, but never come down the engine room late, now get to work". His "work", I suppose as a punishment for turning up late, involved me getting covered in oil from head to toe, in my boots, in my eyes and for no real reason. He told me to trace pipes which involves diving under the bottom floor plates and following pipes and lines to see where they go. Every time I popped my head up for some fresh air he seemed to be there watching me, so back down I would go like a rat caught unaware.

My head feels like an engine, thumping away at full speed and with determination - no sound proofing on the machine in my head that managed to build and run itself on approximately twelve glasses of beer. Thump, thump, thump and on she goes and poor little me stuck under the plates, trapped amongst pipes and listening to the engine that is getting ever faster and more violent.

When I came up nobody seems very happy with me. Bob told me to go and get a mop and clean up the floor plates as I had left an army of oily footprints everywhere! But if I look as if I have one engine in my head he looks as if he has ten super long strokes running at full power in his so it makes me feel allot better.

1730hrs. Still alongside in La Palice. Doing nothing much downstairs and I think on top the deckies are doing decky things. Like watching cargo being unloaded or loaded or something like that. Have not managed to get up that far yet. Yeah, all day I spent under the plates just to please the "experts" in boiler suits. They all seemed to disappear in the afternoon and nobody told me anything about that but I think they went to bed - hypocrites. At 4 o'clock Bob was walking around and saw me still covered in oil - he said "bit keen for a cadet aren't you?" and from that I managed to understand that I could have spent the afternoon in bed like everybody else. Ach, what the hell, don't tell him that I found a nice flat area under the plates and caught up with a couple of hours 'zeds'. A few rags and a pipe pillow make for a wonderful bed - but it looks like somebody had been there before as I certainly never put the rags there!

Still alongside in La Palice. Sore, sore head at the bottom of the ship all day. Pipes are everywhere but make for good head rests. Never turn up late for work and if you turn up on time you can finish work soon afterwards or do nothing all day! Or so it seems to me???? Never call the Chief by his name! I heard somebody say it at lunch time, "John", they called him. Later on I had to take the log book up to him and I knocked on his door and said in my unliked timid way, "John" here's the log book from the engine room". Oh yes, I said it in a very nice but weak voice and didn't see what was wrong, but he looked at me and with what I thought as anger said "Chief to you" and then slammed his door in my face. Ach people at sea, what is their problem! Okay dokay, Chief, 'Chief' I will call you but 'socially deficient' you will remain!

Day Summary. In La Palice still with a very sore head still. NB: A couple of beers in the evening do help to cure the situation a little bit. Maybe should have had a couple at lunch time like everybody else? Okay, In La Palace still and have not a clue as to when we leave. It is better at sea as I don't have a sore head. Have I learned anything today? Yes, never call the Chief by his name!
Oh and I have found someone that does not smoke (the cook) but everybody else seems to with a vengeance!

Friday: 18th October 2002

0900hrs. Na, nah,! Got the whole day off today. No work. I turned up on time, probably helped by a clear head and plenty of sleep. Peter the Second told me that I get one day off per week as I have this work book to keep up with from the college. Tasks to be achieved and completed during the voyage so I get time off to do that. Okay better get down to a bit of study and at least have one section signed off as completed. Fuel Oil Pipe Line Diagram me thinks today?

1300hrs. Hello and good bye! Just waved goodbye to La Palice. Didn't know that we where leaving until I saw a mass of Black Smoke suddenly billow from the Funnel from where I was sun bathing on the Monkey Island. Thought we were on fire! Didn't get very far with my course work today, in fact I never even managed to open the book although I did sharpen a pencil pretty well. Will do some real work next week!

1430hrs. Asked the Captain where we were going. He was in the galley wrapping up a large piece of ham in a small piece of bread and looked in a happy mood. I used 'Captain' to address him with, as my experience with the Chief had taught me something about name calling! He replied "to sea boy, to sea"! Which left me non the wiser as I already new that. Found out later that we are on our way to New Orleans across the Atlantic - ten days at sea! Wow!

2230hrs. Ow, back sore as I fell asleep up stairs and got very sunburnt! Had two beers tonight in the bar. Everybody seemed to be there and some officers asked me how everything was going! I said "good" and that seemed to be the end of that. I just sat and listened to their tall tales of the sea for a while and then retired to my bed. Frontal sleep pattern tonight to protect back!

Day Summary. Left France bound for America with a varied cargo of containerised electronic goods, batteries and alcohol. Plus a few odds and ends of vehicles and a superb looking yacht on the hatch tops. If we sink the yacht will make an excellent life boat - hahah! Probably French Brandy in the container or something! I wander if bottles fall off the back of trucks on ships, I'm sure one or two could go missing without anybody noticing! Don't know why but ended up smoking a cigarette in the bar tonight. Yuk and made my head go round and round and my stomach to heave, luckily nobody seemed to notice anything! I suppose it was a case of 'if you can't beat them join them' as everybody else was smoking happily away. Anyway, have serious sunburn and a woozy head as we leave France bound across the Atlantic towards America! Ach, a life at sea!

Saturday: 19th October 2002

Sometime during the day! Stupid Bob said to me today "didn't know you smoked". Either did I until recently!
Found out also that it is painful walking around with a boiler suit on when you have sunburn - rubs really badly. So am now wearing boiler suit at half mast with the arms tied around my waist and with a t-shirt upstairs to cover the rest. Of course somebody had to say something negative about it all, three passers and BOB said something to the order of "not a good idea to do that" and the chief muttered "on a fashion parade are we?". What is this ship, a prison camp?
New Words flowing in and too many to write down but important ones are alley not corridor, galley not kitchen. And it is not 'upstairs' it is on the 'top deck' or 'up top'. Yep, I'm learning fast and furious and will soon be a grumpy and hairy old sea dog like everybody else - oh no!

Name check!
Have managed to get a few more names to faces now: Here goes:

Captain = Captain = Captain = red faced and hairy.
Chief = John = Chief = grumpy old so and so!
Chief Officer = Peter (he should change his name) = large but silent!
Second Engineer = Peter (he should tell the Chief Officer to change his name) = sarcastic but seems okay!
Third Engineer = Bob = bearded and friendly (mostly).
Second Officer = TJ = Second Mate. My mate, I think.
Fourth Engineer = Davy = Thinks he is the Engineer sent to Engineer the world. Tall and skinny with an attitude!
Third Officer = Pietro = out of place = Italian and somehow ended up on the wrong ship Good man though!
Cook = Chef = non smoker = don't know! He doesn't like doing my eggs to order, does them for the Captain!

The Crew are from the Philippines. They just seem to work hard and keep to themselves. Good bunch everybody tells me but I feel as if they are laughing at me every time I walk past - especially the Engine Room Crew. I have learned from experience that they will not do anything for me, by that I mean that they will not take orders from me! Why? I don't know but might have something to do with the fact that I know absolutely nothing at all and they have been at sea for many years I suppose! No names to faces yet for them! Might get there one day but they add another sixteen names to my list - I have enough for now!

2100hrs. Early to bed, early to rise makes a man, healthy, wealthy and wise! Am going to try that - see where it gets me! I think it is rubbish but I am bored so will put it to the test - see ya in the morning!

2300hrs. Experiment did not work. Am wide awake. Early to bed, later to rise, is a very stupid thing to do and unwise! Or something like that! Lying here staring at the ceiling (sorry: Deckhead) hoping that sleep will overcome me and place me in the land of slumber! No, it isn't happening and my eyes remain wide open and staring into nothing! Ach, sleep where are you? Forgive me for my sins and for smoking another cigarette today, forgive me for having one beer with my tormenters, forgive me for going to bed early, and for talking rubbish in my diary!

Went down to the galley earlier to see if there was something to eat! The dry stores locker was open and I ended up taking some food back to my cabin - one bag dried fruits, one tin sliced pineapple, one tin peaches and two boxes dry crackers. When I got back to my cabin, having sneaked along alleys and such, I was not sure what I had done. Had I stolen them or are they mine by right? The company provides us with all food and provisions so really the food is for all of us - but somehow it feels wrong what I did! Have hidden all my goodies away in my suitcase so that nobody will find them!

Day Summary. On route La Pallice to New Orleans. Half day as Saturday. Did nothing on my workbook! Slept all afternoon and everybody said I was lazy and somebody said I was unsociable! Not sure how to work that one out as when I am in the bar everybody either ignores me or they say something sarcastic! Ach, a good sleep will soon make me forget all of that rubbish.
Cigarettes Today: One
Beer Today: One
Sneaked food to cabin from Dry Stores as "no eggs to order" cook left food locker open when I happened to be passing!

Sunday: 20th October 2002

Another half day today - wish I could work as fed up of sleeping.

Was eating cabin biscuits and they felt very dry. Ended up sneaking down to the galley and appropriating a hunk of Camembert from the galley freezer - cook had forgotten to lock it! Am now really glad that I took the food away from the dry stores last night, I feel really well fed now.

Day Summary. Still at sea. Well fed on stolen food. Nay, not stolen, 'appropriated for alternative use' sounds better. At sea and heading across the Atlantic towards America. Christopher Columbus here we come. Erm, had too many beers in the afternoon and had fun. Missed dinner, whoops!
Beers: Too many
Cigs: Too many
Not a good day but I feel great.

Monday: 21st October 2002

0745hrs. I like Mondays - No I Don't. Ach, cook came storming in to the Saloon where some of us and the Captain where busy slopping eggs - him as he likes them, mine as the cook likes them. Anyway he started ranting and raving to the Skipper (new word for Captain) about some cheese that had gone missing. I'm sure he kept on looking at me. Okay, no more midnight raids on the stores and I better hide the remains of the feast from prying eyes! Good breakfast though, he must cook better when in a bad mood

1159hrs. Oh, I forgot to mention that since leaving Garlic Land we have all been on day work. The Engineers I mean, as it is all deep sea stuff and so we can go UMS = Unmanned Machinery Space! Some day (the 2/E tells me) I must do a night on watch but that I am not ready for that yet! Phew, wipe the sweat off my brow. A night watch means you can sleep and such but if an alarm goes off you have to go down and sort it all out. Yeah, I am not ready I don't think I even know how to cancel the alarm yet and Telephones don't like me either - NO I AM NOT READY! Anyway, just now the Second, Third and Fourth do the Night watches in rotation.

Whoops, just seen a cockroach in my cabin. Scurrying away from prying eyes! Did I disturb it when I entered? I must have done! Disturbed it during the daily routine of a cockroaches search for food and quite places to relax during the day! It scurried away and I felt a twinge of guilt at having abruptly disrupted the creatures peace before remembering that it was only a cockroach! Only a cockroach? What was it doing there, why had it chosen my cabin to visit during the day and why now at this time? Why not the next cabin or later when I would be away working, why now and where has it gone? Where did it disappear to when I abruptly and rudely disturbed it without thought? Ah, there is the answer - the answer to my questions revealed. Cabin Biscuits out and about and open to a cockroaches senses! I didn't know that they liked good food? Damn, can't eat those things now after such treatment from the creatures with many legs! Throw them away - that is what they invented port holes for - to throw away food that has been secreted in cabins and has been mauled by disgusting insects! Bye Bye Cabin Biscuits, may the fish enjoy you before too many days have passed. Okay time to work!

Day SummaryCook in uproar about missing cheeses. Captain did not seem too bothered about missing cheeses, so I have decided to not be too bothered about missing cheeses except when the cook glares at me with accusing eyes! At sea with a cargo of non-perishable goods designed to boost American Capitalism and such. At sea on the way from Garlic and Onion Land to Oil country and New Orleans. Cockroaches in my cabin - complained to BOB but he said "only one - you are lucky!"

Tuesday: 22nd October 2002

1230hrs. I hate ships I want to go home! I hate them I hate them I hate them. Well, to qualify that statement it is not the actual ships that I hate but the people that go with them

Problem One: Bob asked me to get him some emery paper (sand Paper for metal) from the workshop. I spent ages searching for it and couldn't find any and so went back and told him so. He then told me that I was a "useless ******* Squirt" which didn't seem necessary for the situation.

Problem Two: Went up to the Chief with the log book. He seemed in a Jovial and happy mood! Something strange happening? Anyway, he asked me to fetch a bucket of Nitrogen from the Engine Room and to take it to the bridge. I not thinking straight, grabbed a bucket and went to Bob and asked him where the nitrogen was kept. He just looked at me strangely and then went off shaking his head. I stood there a while thinking about the situation before it crept up on me as to what I was asking for. Two solutions to "why" came into my mind a: Chief has problem or b: Chief Taking the piss out of me! I think the second one will go!

Well, in my angry and abused state I did something that I maybe should not have done. I filled that bucket up with water and took it up to the Chiefs day room and left it just inside the door with a big notice on a peg! "BEWARE" it said, "LIQUID NITROGEN". The Chief will now hate me forever more and abuse me again just for the fun of it. And BOB will think I am even more stupid than he already does. YES, I HATE SHIPS!

2330hrs. Ships are not so bad after all. When I next saw the Chief he still seemed jovial and I thought maybe he had not seen the bucket in his cabin. But he had and said "not bad kid, just make sure you remove the bucket sometime today". Which I took as a positive response as a negative one would have contained a few swear words and abuse thrown in. Yes, all is not so bad.
The cook caught me at lunch and asked me if I had taken the Cheese, but I just acted stupid and repeated "cheese?" about ten times so that he ended up shaking his head and walking away grumbling to thin air.

Day Summary. Hated ships in the morning. By night I liked ships again!
Cooks are grumpy creatures!
From France to America we plod on.
I spend most of my time in the Engine Room being a "gofer". Gofer is short for "go for this", "go for that". So I seem to spend most of my time in the engine room fetching tools and things for others and often getting it all wrong. At least I know where the Emery Paper is now!

BEER: Two, drunk them on my own as nobody came into the bar tonight! CIGS: None as I cannot find any! Need to ask the Bar Manager for some - Chief Officer somebody tells me but I never see him!

Level of Happiness: 5

Wednesday: 23rd October 2002

1145hrs. Ha, I find the Fourth Engineer very Weird. I think everybody else does to! He is a tall skinny guy who always seems to have a clean boiler suit on! I'm completely the opposite - little squat guy with the dirty boiler suit on. But anyway, the Fourth walks around as if he has a broomstick up his "****".
It's true, he walks around with nose held high like he's sniffing the air permanently while needing the toilet. I think because he was recently a Cadet and now a Fourth he has mixed emotions. On one side he has an attitude problem, great Engineer and the best around or so he thinks. On the other hand he can't quite forget that he was a cadet just a few months ago and thus he finds it very hard to talk to me! I asked the Second and Bob about him but they both say "just ignore him". Chief was walking around muttering "should put the cadet on watch, he would be better". Although when he saw me he shook his head and said "maybe not". Ach, I think everybody is okay really. They mean well! The Chief walks around muttering and making digging remarks to anyone who will listen or the bulkhead if they will not. Just his way! He does get a bit excited if things go wrong in the Engine Room and I had to duck the other day when he lost his temper and threw a Spanner at me! No, not at me, just that I happened to be in the way and so had to duck rather rapidly. Yeah, just his way, but I think he is okay! The Second, Peter is just a very quiet person. Nobody messes with him because he is so quiet. Even the Chief listens and nods his head when Peter talks. Hairy Bob on the other hand is good, but when stressed or bored he tends to make loads of sarcastic remarks and shouts allot, then expects everything to be okay a few minutes later - he might forget his abuse but I don't. One of the Engine crew - an oiler I think called Hose - told me, "Second Engineer and Bob - good man", "Chief - crazy man". I should have got opinions for the Fourth Engineer as well but forgot at the time.

1930hrs. Working on deck in the hot sun most of the afternoon. Good stuff as I will get a better tan. Working around the vents on deck replacing gauze pieces. Bob tells me that the gauze is to prevent flames from returning back down the vent pipes - okay dokay! Good stuff - get a great sun tan while learning something new.
Captain has been walking around deck in a skimpy bathing suit - he has the most amazingly skinny legs. Looks like an ostrich, thin bean pole legs and a massive body on top. (hope nobody ever reads this diary). His stick legs stopped beside me at one point and this booming and gruff voice came charging down at me, like from the heavens. He puffed, "everything okay kid, settling in well okay?". I was quite shocked at his even remembering that I was onboard, but managed to squeak back, "yes, thank you Captain". At that moment he was the 'kindly Ostrich'.

It is starting to get much warmer outside now. Was introduced to the SunDowners' Club for the first time - the Second, Third Engineers and a Mate or two like to sit outside and watch the sun go down before dinner. With a beer or two of course.
I think that I am addicted to cigs. now! Managed to get a couple from others smoking but still have to find Peter and ask him if I can have a whole carton to myself. Yeah, nice to sit outside and have a beer - except that they used me as the "beer gofer" on more than one occasion! Can't remember the sun going down!

Day Summary. All okay as we plow on across the Atlantic! Sundowners Club, a club with Open Membership for anyone that wants to watch the Sun go down while drinking beer (except for the Fourth Engineer whom I think is not welcome for personal reasons).
Decided to throw remains of cheese out of port hole as it was starting to grow funny bits. But the wind caught it and placed it on deck aft, so had to go out and pick it up and dispose of it over the stern. No more cheese in cabin again - too much trouble! Anyway, last night I noticed that large pad locks had been placed everywhere by the cook - as far as he is concerned nothing else is going missing I think!
Everybody calls me either "kid" or "Tiny". I like Tiny better.
Cigs: Too Many
Beers: Three
Captains Rating: 9000000000 (well up from the previous Zero I had awarded him).
My Happiness Rating 6

Thursday: 24th October 2002

Wheeee, oookk, ahhh, ouch! Up and down we go. Rough weather today. Woke up early as a result of being thrown against the bulkead. Don't feel sick which is lucky. Just hard to work to walk around without falling over or bashing my head against something. Staggering along the alley holding on to anything that doesn't move. Muscles ache as I hold on to suport myself. Trying to get down the to the engine room was a task in itself! Slowly one step after the other as one minute the steps are vertical, the next horizontal. Wow, my arm muscles ache - be fun all day I hear. At lunch time I saw TJ pouring water on the table - wondered what that was for until he told me that it stops your plate sliding all over the place. Works very well! Cook is in a bad mood and I suppose I can understand why! Chief Officer is sick - hahhaha! Up and down, round and about, wheeeeeeeee!

Day Summary. Wheeeee - rough weather. Still pointing towards America. I am not sick - Chief Officer is! Sundowners Club was cancelled today due to lack of any Sun, but an alternative venue was held in the bar - hic!

Friday: 25th October 2002

1200hrs. Ha, got caught out! I am sure that the Fourth Engineer said something to Peter. I was on the bridge trying to find out why Pietro (the Italian) was working on a British ship when Davy happened up. He looked at me and Pietro talking then disappeared in his haughty and leggy way! Next moment Peter the Second wandered by! He asked me, "have you got your workbook Tiny"?
What, don't these Engineers do any work?

Whoops, and blow me down! That thing remains as blank as a newborn piece of paper, not a mark blemishes its inside - apart from my name and that of the ship but even those are on the outside cover. Yep its virginal inside.

Oh well, after making many excuses and all of that, Peter was actually good about it all. He said "get your act together and start doing something. It has to be done and the sooner you do it the sooner you can relax"! Very true and well said. He even gave me a few pointers and suggested that I get back in the bilges to trace pipes out and while I was there to try and fix a leak that had been dripping away but that nobody wanted to go down and fix!

So at the end of the morning I had fixed two leaks (I found one myself and proudly told Peter about it) and drawn a Sea Water system line diagram in my workbook - Gee, I feel good.

learned that Pietro was on an exchange or something with an Italian shipping company that had dealings with this company - or something to that effect! Knows his stuff all right but his English is hard to understand! "Ama gonna changa da course"! He would say.

1730hrs. Hey where has all that horrible weather gone? Suddenly calm today.......not fun anymore! Am told we will have a barbecue outside tomorrow - eeeeks! Am going outside now with six beers as the Sundowners Club has re-convened! I am the unofficial "Gofer" of the SD Club now! When I went in the bar to get the beers Davy and Pietro where talking away with a beer each - I asked them if they where coming outside but Davy just went "uho" which I have no clue as to its meaning except that it seemed negative in output! Pietro just shook his head and said "Ima gonna keepa him". I took this to mean as he is going to stay with Davy - although it could be misconstrued easily by others! Be careful Pietro!

Day Summary. Calm day - bad weather all gone now! Did some work in my book through gentle persuasion from Peter and did some useful Engineering at the same time! My life is really looking up! I am so happy I could fly - better not though!
Pietro is here on an exchange with his Italian Shipping Company - bit lost in this world! Him and Davy seem to be chummy!
I would like to pour grease into Davy' boots, to tie knots in the bottom of his boiler suit legs and to pour burning oil over his head - but I have resisted the temptation so far!
Four more days till America - yeeha!
Great Day today and Happiness ratio zooms up to an amazing eight.

Saturday: 26th October 2002

1430hrs. Hmmm. Great Barbecue. I mean really great! it was more of a feast outside with beer. The cook went to town on preparing salads and side dishes galore. Much better than inside stuff.....and then BOB and Captain with his skinny legs went to it and cooked up the meat on the barbecue drum! An oil drum cut in half but did the trick well! Once again I was used as a "gofer", never really getting passed one bite of a rib before somebody would shout "hey Tiny get us some more beers", or "where's that kid, we need some steak sauce"! Keep calm Keep calm.

Still licking the barbecue residue from my lips - yum.

1650hrs. What a day! I was busy sleeping off the effects of the beer from the barbecue - slightly woozy head and all of that when this siren started to ring all over the ship, through my head and all over me! When it started I jumped up so quickly that I bashed my head on the empty bunk above - wow, what a noise (the siren I mean not my head)! I jumped up and tried to climb into my boiler suit and staggered out of the cabin, one leg in and one leg out. I didn't know which way to go - up to the bridge or down to the Engine Room. Maybe to the lifeboat or to the deck - I just can't remember these sorts of things. I staggered further along and saw some of the crew working upwards - so the life boats maybe! But they all had life jackets in their hands, do I go back and get mine or carry on? I went back, pushing against the crew who I think where trying to tell me that I should carry on forwards and not return. But I did not want anybody to tell me that I was doing something wrong again - I have had enough of that! Got my life jacket and ran back, joining the crowd beside the life boat. Phew, not too late and nobody noticed little old me sneaking in at the back! All secure and another day without being shouted at or told that I am wrong - yippeee!

Really got it all wrong. First of all Chief Officer was reading a list and told me that I was not in his boat. So I had to go across to the Port Side and everybody saw me arrive late and somebody said "well, look who it is". And then later Peter told me to make sure that I bring a safety helmet and safety shoes to the next one - oh, and that I should wear the life jacket instead of carrying it!

That was a Lifeboat Drill. What a stupid time to have one at. But somebody told me that they have to have another one tomorrow as they where behind in the ships drills! Well, will keep my boiler suit in a fit state for emergency wear, safety boots and safety helmet at the ready, I now know where my lifeboat station is and I am ready for all that they throw at me!

Day Summary. Barbecue - fantastic as we sail towards America. Managed to enjoy a few sips of beer between running around for others.
Life Boat Drill - MY BOAT IS THE PORT ONE. Always have, Safety Shoes, Safety Hat and wear the Life Jacket.
BEERS: Five - head woozy!
CIGS: Unsure - head woozy!
Happiness Ration - dipped to 4 after lecture on correct procedure and attire for life boat drills! Yuk!

NB: Why do drills have to be a secret? Or was it only me that they didn't tell. Must ask somebody about that!

Sunday: 27th October 2002

2200hrs. Fire Alarm! Jingle, jangle - didn't know what to do once again even though I had been thinking about it all day. Thought I should run up to the bridge but somebody told me to just grab my Life Jacket and go to the Muster Station - yeeha, everything went okay! We had a mock fire in the Engine Room and I dressed up in Breathing Apparatus and went down to the engine room with one crew and a fire hose. All good for a laugh. Made me remember how horrible it is to wear a breathing mask and to walk around with a fire hose - did all that at college! Afternoon brought about an Emergency on the running Generator. The governor went mad and caused the engine to surge badly. BOB fixed all of that and I am not sure how - must try and find out if he has the patience to tell me. The Cook came into the saloon and muttered something about some cheese for the evening and that nobody should steal it - I am once again certain that he looked at me when he said it. Maybe I should just hide it for a laugh but better not as he is much bigger and angrier than me! The crackers are going soft and funny looking in my cabin have to throw them away! And I need a tin opener for the can peaches!

Day Summary. Steaming along, weather fine, sky clear. Making 10knots or something like that, so TJ tells me! Half day today but I hid away as everybody seemed to be in the bar drinking - good for teasing the poor cadet feeling! Sun bathed for a while on deck until the Captain came outside for his daily constitution. I wanted to laugh at his legs but thought it better to hide when I did so. Good day today! Should arrive tomorrow or Tuesday or sometime in New Orleans - am looking forward to that!
Found out that everybody knew about the Drill yesterday - except for me. Forgot or so they said!

Mondays: 28th October 2002

0745hrs. Uuuuuuh! I think it must be Pietro or 'Attitude' (4/E) in the next cabin to me! Elephant house - as every time they roll over they hit the bulkhead next to my head and wake me up! Big Fat Pig! Eyes are really glued together this morning. Went down for breakfast and Peter told me that I look like 'shit'. Thanks Peter but to tell you the truth I feel ten times worse! Breakfast? Ach, I asked the cook if he could give me two fried eggs but I got something that was a mixture between scrambled eggs and soup! Not that I could see any of it with my eyes glued shut! I sit at the table in the saloon with 4/E and 3/M! That is all, just the three of us! All the others sit at the larger table! "Skinny with an attitude" was having breakfast but didn't even look at me or talk to me, I think he was way high up on "I am great Land and I don't mix with the little people". Stuff him!

Yep, eyes really glued together still! Sort of walk along the corridor feeling my way along! Coffee and more coffee! Maybe I can sleep at Smoko time or lunch time. Ooooooh, I think we arrive in New Orleans today - yippeee, fed up of being at sea!

1500hrs. Wow, what an amazing scene. We where on standby (watching the engines) as we worked up the Gulf of Mexico and the Mississippi River. Water is like a dark green color. I kept on leaving the Control Room and popping my head up to see outside! So great to see land again! Peter told me that I could stop pretending to be interested in the engines and that I could stay on deck - I think he has a heart of gold under that cool and serious exterior. Yeah, dark green water with hundreds of barges and boats going whichever way but loose. Two or three barges filled with sand or something and all connected together - one little tug controlling and moving all three! Zoom and along and around they whiz. The Water of the Mississippi flows really fast and is supposed to be one of the fastens flowing rivers in the world - and so very dangerous. Have made agreement with myself as to not falling in. I feel better now! I have a guide book somewhere and must look up everything about New Orleans!

2200hrs. Silence all around. In the darkness strange things can happen. Silence all around! Ach we are at anchor! No space alongside till tomorrow morning and so we have to sit here quietly until the morning - doing nothing!

New Orleans. My guide book tells me this as I sit here with nothing to do! New Orleans sitting on the mighty banks of the Mississippi River and with Lake Pontchatrain on the City limits. Originally built by the French in 1718 as a military outpost and for trade. In 1763 taken over by the Spanish after the Seven Year War which of course included Britain. So Spanish Controlled the City but many of the French Remained - not the soldiers as they all had their heads knocked off. Only the civilians and workers who had set up shop there and they were lucky because in 1800 the French came back and regained control. But fighting is an expensive business and sadly the French decided to sell Louisiana (including New Orleans) to The good ol' USA. Don't know for how much! But current land prices would make for one heck of a large sum! Anyway, 1803 USA took control and all was sort of semi normal with some French, Spanish and African communities living together and not talking to each other. Anyway, along came the American Civil War and the City as the largest one in the Confederate South became an Important target of the Union North. And wam bam thank you mam, she was after many years captured by the Union Army. This falling of the important city heralded the start of the end for the Confederates. 1862 that happened in.

Okay? Okay, today N.Orleans is the Second Largest Port in the USA. It is also heralded as the most European of American Cities, rich in culture, festivities, history, fine architecture, fine dining, food and wine and atmosphere!

Okay that is the City as the book tells me. I tried to talk about it with Peter the Second but he just smiled and said "it's got beer in bars and thats all that matters". I also told Pietro but he was mumbling in Italian to himself - something about a woman with big breasts I think! Maybe he has been here before in another life!

Day Summary. Eyes felt like glue in the morning and everybody told me I should stop playing with myself and get more sleep. Thanks guys.

Currently anchored in the middle of the River next to some berth that will tomorrow be our berth!
Beers: Nil
Cigs: more than five and whoops! Am I addicted?
Happiness Ratio: 6 but without glue in my eyes it could have been seven!

Tuesday: 29th October 2002

Day Summary. Hate life! Went alongside this afternoon and worked till 1800hrs. Peter wanted to get some work out of the way he said!
So ship alongside in the evening and everybody went ashore - EXCEPT ME! I was wanting to go but Peter told me stay onboard. He said "you know enough to do a night onboard in port and check around. Any problems call the Chief Engineer as he is not going ashore and will be in his cabin!". So here I am all alone and frightened - I don't know anything and am all alone and frightened! Peter also added this statement "anyway, you would not be allowed to buy any drinks or to have a drink as you are only 19yr old, see ya"!

Wednesday: 30th October 2002

0600hrs. All is quiet and peacefully. When on duty we have to check around the engine room at 10pm or so! I checked around and all was okay. I spent nearly one hour walking around looking at things that I had never really seen before. Strange how responsibility changes ones perspective on things. When I came up out of the engine room the Chief Engineer was standing there. He gruffed, "all okay Tiny" and I responded, "yes Chief". great conversation eh?
It was at 2am that the problems started. I was peacefully asleep in boiler suit - ready for action, when the engine room alarm went off. First time that I had heard it and I jumped up in shock and hit my head on the bunk above me. I scrambled around for my boiler suit trying to find it before realizing that I was wearing the damned thing. I then stumbled and pulled myself along the alley to the engine room door. In the control room I found one light blinking - "High Level Bilge Steering Gear". I know where the Steering Gear is, I know what a Bilge is and why it was full but I just had no clue as to what to do about it! I went down the Steering Gear and all seemed okay! I went back to the control room and sat down! The it started ringing again - the alarm I mean. I just did not know what to do - too frightened to call the Chief. All being equal I worked out that there was not a problem and that it was only the alarm that was being annoying! I ended up staying in the control room for the rest of the morning and cancelling the alarm as it started every twenty minutes or so.
Chief came down at 5.30am and saw me sitting there! He asked me what was up and I told him. "Hmmmmm" he said. He took a tooth pick from a pile on the console and stuck one into the flashing light and then just left! And wo' and behold the alarm never rang again! It still blinked telling me that there was a problem but the alarm did not ring - why didn't they tell me that trick?

1200hrs.This morning everybody came down the Engine Room looking like walking nightmares. Blood shot eyes and groans all around. Peter and Bob just sat in the control room nursing cups of coffee for over an hour and not saying anything! Must have been a good drinking session! I still felt upset that I could not go ashore! Why me? Told BOB about the alarm - he just said "och aye" and closed his eyes again. Anyway, started doing some work at about 10am. BOB silently took me to the Bilge Pump and showed me how to empty the Steering Gear Bilge to the Holding Tank. And that was the end of that - later on I noticed that the toothpick had been removed and that all was back to normal. For another day anyway! Started overhauling some Generator Heads as supposed to be doing a complete overhaul of number three generator once we leave New Orleans.
Should take five days or so, so BOB tells me!

2215hrs. Life is not so bad after all. Things look rosier now! Peter told me at lunch time to get showered up and ready to go ashore! I wanted to sleep but at that news well, what could I do except get myself ready! Yep, TJ was going ashore for the afternoon and I went with him. Great afternoon pretending to be serious tourists. Even managed to get a few beers in this small and back street place where TJ said nobody will check for ID. And very true - somebody asked me if I was over twenty one and I said yes - did not check my ID.

Day Summary. WORK HARD AND PLAY HARD!
That is what life is all about. In New Orleans and in the morning I worked hard. In the afternoon I played sort of hard and managed to get ashore - even took a few photographs!
Happiness Ratio: a massive increase to 8.
NB: Upon return from ashore found out that we where sailing that evening. I don't know where to and don't care - at this moment we are pointing bow first towards the Gulf of Mexico and with a pilot onboard or something like that.
Good night!

Thursday: 31th October 2002

Sometime during the day: Scratching days off the calendar with a big black marker pen - checked this morning and still have 70 days to go. Ouch. Every day seems to be getting longer and longer with no light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe I should wait a few days and then scratch off three days at once or something - make it seem like it is going faster. Wow, 70 days to go of not having a decent conversation or laugh with anybody. I never seem to be able to relax anywhere without feeling guilty, maybe I am sitting in the wrong chair or maybe I have done something wrong and somebody is going to tell me all about it and in a way that makes me out to be really stupid. I hate that! Only TJ and BOB can I relax with but even they are strange sometimes. Oh, I can relax with Peitro but he is on a different planet most of the time - the planet with the big breasts I think! I always feel guilty, am I doing something wrong, have I brought the right tool and did I bring it quick enough - I always seem to be waiting for a lecture on my stupidity or on how the Cadets of today know nothing! My mood is like the Ocean - up and down like peaks and troughs of the sea. Happy one minute plummeting downwards the next. I really would like to sit and have a laugh with a relaxed atmosphere - oh well, only 70 days to go or so they told me before I joined. Which reminds me of Christmas - at Sea? Wow, that should not be fun.

Day Summary. Left New Orleans yesterday and sailing towards Philadelphia or something - must get my guide book out and find out which country that is in. Seems to be getting colder outside. Maybe it is where they make the Cheese?

Happiness Ratio: Somewhere between 1 and 10. Changing all the time today! I want somebody to have a laugh with.

Friday: 1st November 2002

0700hrs. Eyes scratchy, very, very scratchy. Wow, looked at my Torture Calendar and it is the first of November. Eyes, still scratchy and feel as if I have not slept in a week......scratchy, scratchy. Have always wandered about the showers and toilets fitted on ships - in Cadets cabins anyway! I can have a shower while sitting on the toilet the room being that small. And when I sit on the toilet my knees hit the bulkhead which is only one centimeter away from the bowl. In actual fact it is a feat of human contortion and double jointed-ness to go on the toilet! The only way to achieve success is to sit sideways and with the knees scrunched up under the chin.
Thanks for listening.
Maybe I have something wrong with my eyes as I can't seem to open them.

1250hrs. Philadelphia in the State of Pennsylvania. Up North and along the coast. New Orleans is still warm but Philly is a mite cold. Can feel it getting colder outside already. Philadelphia - can get really cold - the place where the Declaration of Independence was signed on July 4th, 1776. Yeeha, and a new place was born! Declared a legal holiday in 1941. What else? Oh, here is a very unimportant yet uninteresting piece of history. Betsy and John Ross lived in a house which today is a little museum. Why? Because in this house Betsy who was an upholsterer by Trade, sewed together the first American Flag. Maybe the museum is filled with flags! So that is Philadelphia and all that my guide book says! Must buy a new guide book - a better one. Gets really cold in Philly in the winter. I have nothing with me except my Uniform (which has not yet been used) and hundreds of T-shirts. Maybe I will catch pneumonia and be sent home - yeeha.

Chief, Chief - why me? Shouting, all the time. I took the log this afternoon - that of filling out all the temperatures, pressures and things - then took it to his cabin for checking. He looked at it then started shouting, "how can the water temperature be 150, it would be boiling and the engine would be melting. 150 what, bananas or brain cells?". Didn't quite understand what he was rambling on about but presume that it was either sarcastic or abusive. He carried on further, "these dirty fingerprints are you doing this on purpose or just to annoy me - try harder next time and use soap or something." I presume that he was referring to the two or three fingerprints that I had accidently obscured certain recordings with - big deal! Should have asked him if he had ever managed to fill out a log book without leaving behind an oily signature - but didn't think it would go down too well. Anyway, he threw the log book at me and told me to get the correct figures - I did so and gave him the book back half an hour later.

See, this is why I don't feel safe and secure. People just change all the time without warning. I took the log book back up to the angry Chief and I went with fear and hatred predominant in my mind. When I gave him the log book the second time he said "Thanks Tiny, are you watching the movie tonight"? How I am supposed to know whether I am going to be shouted at or conversed with - stupid man. But yes, I will watch the movie tonight if you stay out of my way you grumpy old sod! Silly horrible people.

2200hrs. Going to bed. Movie stank!

Day Summary. Stinking day. More shouting than talking - others to me that is as I just kept my mouth closed most of the day. Opened it when others asked a direct question but it is like trying to prize open a can of beens with a plastic knife, my mouth I mean. Not easy to talk nicely back to all the days shouters.

Happiness ratio - frozen and below zero somewhere - un-recordable, way off the bottom of the scale.
BEER: four and need more.
CIGS: six and have decided I am addicted.

Saturday: 2nd November 2002

0730hrs. Once more I am like a walking Zombie. No matter how much sleep I get I always wake up with my eyelids glued shut. Why, Why, Why! Maybe I should sleep every afternoon like the Chief and the Captain do! I think Peter the Second sneaks off for an afternoon nap when he can, he says he is going to do paperwork but when he returns to the engine room at around 4pm he looks like a walking incarnation of the sleeping man. I can't sneak off as everybody always needs a spanner or something but I could pretend to be under the bilges. Must think about that one, maybe time to use my private rag bed down there!

2200hrs. Ach today was okay. Nothing great nothing not great! Morning will see us in Philly and just now we are slow steaming (Going slow so that we don't arrive too early and have to anchor for three hours or so). Yep definitely much colder......gee, am freezing out here! We switched the air conditioning unit off today (after much discussion) as it was getting too cold inside. Just left the fan running and drawing the old air in from outside - perfect. I always thought it would be difficult to switch an aircon machine off but all you have to do is press the "stop" button and close two valves! Even I can do that! BOB told me not to switch it back on without him being there so maybe there is something far more complicated with switching it back on again!

People are strange I mean about the air con and the temperature in the accommodation. Everyday somebody is always complaining about something - usually the deck officers for some reason or other! The Crew are funny about it also! When the aircon is on the Crew always complain about it being too cold. When it is off they complain about it being too hot! I have been told that the Crew stuff endless rags around the vents in the cabins to stop the cold air coming in. I suppose now they will be desperately trying to get those same rags out - hahahah!

Day Summary. "Slow steaming" - new term for today and including "shut down" and "recirculate" which means to use the same air to cool everything down and not to take air in from the outside. Okay, not very interesting. Getting colder outside but they probably will not allow me ashore so it does not matter anyway. They will all go ashore and come back as drunk as anything and with blood shot eyes in the morning. Yep, arrive Philly tomorrow morning! Probably have more US Customs checks before we can go in. Wow, don't they ask so many questions and search every nook and cranny! In New Orleans there was a nice lady customs lady that came onboard - yum. Pietro said "ima gonna have dat ona", but I don't think much came of it all. Just a thought in his head I think!
Happiness Ratio: Middle of the run........not good, not bad.

Sunday: 3rd November 2002

End of Relaxed day. Philadelphia is so huge! Walking along the streets everything is so far apart form the next thing. To get to the next house along you have to walk a couple of hundred meters. Not that anybody walks at all, everybody seems to be driving cars. They all seem to be driving these huge and extended cars or massive trucks with wheels as tall as me. So much space everywhere.....roads are big even the people are big!

Went ashore today. Peter said get ashore while you can! Okay dokay - they are all good people really. I forgive them all for not being nice except for "snotty" Dave, he remains on my Black List! So I went ashore with BOB and TJ at lunch time. Yeeha, and away we went. They all wanted to go shopping which suited me fine. I was shivering all the way and ended up buying this expensive ski like Jacket - my friends told me I was stupid to buy it as this would probably be the one and only time that I would wear it. Ach, whatever, at least I was warm for the rest of the day.

Yeah, so much space and so much walking to do even if only to cross a road. Strange people in the Shopping Malls. Go in a shop and a loud voice will always blare out "welcome to Davies the grocers" or "welcome to the gadget shop" of course depending upon which shop we went into. NB: Must think up suitable reply to the very annoying "Have a nice day" as we leave every shop. Why do they say that? Have a nice day? I don't need somebody that I don't know to tell me that! Grrrr, gnash, gnore.

Big wide open spaces! Must be terrible to pop around to your neighbors for dollup of butter or a spoon of sugar. None of this quickly hopping around in your slippers and leaving the door on the latch. In Philly one would have to prepare for a days outing, dressing up in warm clothing, switching off the lights, putting on a good pair of shoes and collecting the umbrella before securely locking the house - even having to get a babysitter for the kids. Then again maybe neighbors don't talk to each other at all! Quicker to get into the car and drive to your next door neighbors house. Saying all of that we did not manage to get downtown Philly, maybe they live closer together in the big city center. As we did not get downtown I did not manage to get to see Betsy and her upholsterers business - the one where she stitched the first American Flag. Never mind.....

After shopping we went to a bar. I didn't think anything of it and was happily supping away on my beer and admiring my new jacket. But this man came up and said "can I see some ID please."
Och of course, I'm too young. But alls well that ends well or so somebody said. He looked at my ID, muttered something about being 19 and told me to keep my head down and out of sight. Maybe they are not so strict up North. Maybe it is much colder and even young people need beer to keep warm. Maybe not. But the meal we had was so big. The hamburger and fries was enough to feed me and my family back home. I only managed to nibble around the edges of my large serving - more than a half left and I was stuffed. Wow, such big servings - what do they think I am. Even BOB and TJ did not manage to finish what they had.

Day Summary. great day today. Bought a new jacket......yeeha and feel stuffed and can't eat for another week. Took half of my wages to buy but it felt good and warm. Nearly got kicked out of a bar in Philly for under age drinking - but escaped that one. Yep, another day here tomorrow but Peter says we are going to do a unit on the main engine. I think that means overhauling one piston or something. He says six hours minimum but maybe eight or nine. So all will get up at six o'clock and have an early start - hopefully finishing early. Early start - eyes like grit, I can feel them already.
Och, happy, happy, happy. My new jacket and I are happy!
BEERS: Three illegally drunk in a family bar in Philly, Two drunk on ship. First three tasted better. CIGS: Enough!

Monday: 4th November 2002

0830hrs. "Take a break" he said! Wow, It's great I don't want to stop. Taking out the Piston I mean. I am sure that it is easier to take out than put back in, but it all happens so fast. Fuel pipes off, water pipes off, undo head bolts with this special hydraulic machine (beats spanners any day) and "wham bam, thank you mam" the head is off and on the rack! Wow, so easy and everybody is like a well oiled machine, knowing exactly what to do - except me of course and BOB told me to stay close beside him and just watch and learn. Efficiency incorporated - wow! So, one and a half hours to remove the Head and all the pipe work! WOW!

1200hrs. Brrrr, zing, zang, whrrrrr, phing and zumg amongst a few other things. Wow! After breakfast I went with BOB inside the engine. Like walking into a big and creepy cavern with Lubricating Oil dripping around us! Went in with the Hydraulic Jack and a few other things to remove the bottom Nut on the Piston! The Piston Nut or something so that we can lift it up through the cylinder and out. Amazing and so easy. Everything is set up so well for it all! Great in the crankcase could make a good film inside one of those! A torture film where somebody is locked inside the crankcase and the engine is about to be started. Could have the mist starting as the LO warms up and maybe the engine whizzed over on Air as a frightener.

Aaaaaaar, thats enough I am frightening myself. Peter is only giving us 45mins for lunch so better hurry. He wants to go ashore early so wants to finish as soon as possible. He has not been ashore yet and wants to go shopping. Says he likes my Jacket and might get one. I wanted to suggest that I sell him mine thus killing two birds with one stone but when I tried to speak my mouth had become all dry and I squeaked 'unintelegencia' instead of offering to sell him my jacket.

2100hrs. More zings and whirs later we got all the pieces back together again. Over lunch the crew cleaned all the bits and pieces and the inside of the Liner and Peter had taken the Readings that he needed. By three o'clock the Head was back on and by five O'clock the fuel was back on, no water leaks, the crankcase closed up and the engine had been tested. Wow, amazing, super stuff, terrific and all those sorts of words. Wow! Peter was ashore by 1730, he did ask if I wanted to go but I am suffering from what is called "Bank Managers Wrath", no money, no honey! Nice of him to ask though and I feel much better about life! I stayed on the Ship with BOB who was on duty and we watched a movie. He ended up putting a blue movie on but I well...... felt a little bit embarrassed sitting there with him and this blue movie.......he seemed not to care about anything. In fact I went back in later to see if he wanted to have another beer but he was fast asleep in his chair - so the Porn movie can't be doing much for him. Yep, having learned something worthwhile and had a relaxed evening I feel good! In fact thinking about it nobody shouted at me today - wow!

Day Summary. End of day. Overhauled one Piston whilst alongside in Philly. Leaving tomorrow sometime so somebody told me.

There are 88 steps from the bottom of the Engine Room up to the Bridge Deck - Bored or what!

Learned today this: Third looks after generators, Fourth looks after Fuel, Second Looks after Engine Room and the Chief looks after the paperwork. Oh, and when doing the main engine it is always the Third Engineer that goes into the crankcase whilst the Second Engineer looks after everything up top. Good stuff! I would rather be a Third as the Fuel is horrible stuff. Horrible and Black and Dirty. Generators are nice things to work on!

BEERS: Two (my bar bill was looking at a bit big for a Cadet - or so Mr grumpy Skipper told me!)
CIGS: Only three today as so busy working.

Happiness Ratio: ZOOMing, Whiring and Zinging to the top. Nearly at ten!

Tuesday: 5th November 2002

Tick Tock. Put the Fuel Booster Pump On, Put the Jacket Water Pump on, Put the LO Pump on, Put the Piston Cooling Pump on, Put the Fuel Valve Cooling Pump on, put the Turbo and scavenge drains shut, open the air start valve and switch on the standby air compresssor, drain the air bottles, count to ten and stand on your head. So much to remember. I was writing everything in my new and second notebook that I stole from the Chiefs Cabin. To embarrassed to ask him for another one. Anyway, following the experts around the engine I tried to write down everything that they did but it was all to quick. I know that some of the things I wrote are wrong or maybe just the order, and that I could never do it myself. But it is my first time to properly see the engine started. So thrid time maybe I will be able to everything myself - I want to push that button one day.

Starting the engine is amazing. What a noise. Wrrrrrrum, as it winds up and the starting air is forced in and then expelled from the engine cylinders. Goes up to a higher speed and then backs down to idle and this gentle purrrr sound is heard. Or rather a gentle rumble as purr does not seem to go with this big "thing". 60,000HP of pure muscle, this is what engineering is all about, not that of grinding valves or clambering around the bilges, but the mighty sounds of so many horses waiting to set forth!

Peter interupted me at that point and told me to ring the bridge and tell them that they could have control of the Engine. Hmmm, and it was so nice before. I was in Engine Heaven.

Day Summary. Left Philly and bound for the Ivory Coast or West Africa, pointing down that way anyway. Another 10 or more days at sea. Yeeha, good in port but good away as I have no money! Learned how to start the main engine - vrrrrm, purrrr. Excellent.
Bye, bye, Philly and Betsy and her first American Flag - how many stars did she put on then?

Wednesday: 6th November 2002

0730hrs. Grit Eyes once again. Get up, put feet on floor, stand up and hit head on edge of bunk above, not on purpose of course. Pull aching head and slow feet towards shower and then hit self in face with shower door. Get inside the little cubicle and switch the shower on, put toothpaste on toothbrush and sit on toilet for the morning call whilst nursing sore head!
See, three things at once and all done with eyes closed. Brush, Brush, backwards and forwards, behind and front......empty the bladder and it is so nice and comfortable and am drifing off to sleep again. On a toilet in the shower with a toothbrush in my mouth no less! ZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

Aaaaaaaah, damn that was sore. I was sitting on my toilet falling asleep but I had switched the hot water tap on and nearly got severely burnt. I managed to jump up onto the toilet and thus escape the hot water. My what an end to a nice shower to wake me up.

This changing of the clock business is all very annoying. Well, it is where we cross time zones around the world and we have to move the clocks forwards or backwards to keep up. Always by just one hour in the middle of the night so depending on which way we are going aroud the world depends upon whether we gain one hour or lose an hour of sleep! Like when going from Europe to America we have to go back in time. The first time nobody told me about it and I found myself wandering around the ship looking for signs of life - asking myself why nobody was at work at 8 0'clock! Not so bad at all as at least going in that direction we could sleep for an extra hour! Now going back the way across the Atlantic we will have to put one hour on every so often to catch up with African Time. Don't know why we just don't do it all at once - except that maybe in one night there would be no night! The other way would be good though, I mean adding six hours back on - sleep for maybe 14hours in one day and still have time to drink beer in the evening! Must go an put an hour on my clock!

Captain was muttering (in the bar) something about Cabin Inspections this week - not sure what all that is about! Inspect them for what? Comfortability - hahahaha! FAILED stamp on mine if that was the inspection. Whoops, BOB gave me a couple of magazines with big breasted woman in them - (pornographic magazines okay?) Must put them away from prying eyes.

Day Summary. Sailing away and across the Atlantic to Africa and the Coast. Okay, okay, towards the African Coast! First day away from America and already the weather is noticeably warmer - damn, will I ever get to wear that expensive jacket I got ever again?

BEER: None - yippee
CIGS: None. CIGARS (TJ gave me one): Never again as felt sick!
Happiness Ratio: An Easy Seven

Thursday: 7th November 2002

1200hrs. Eeks, why does this happen to me. Actually woke up feeling good this morning! One of the first I must say. Had an excellent shower without bumping my head onto the door or the bunk above, managed to get the shower at the corect temperature before sticking the toothbrush in my mouth and before sitting myself on my shower seat - the toilet. Yes, everything was going great! Even managed to get down for breakfast, something that I seem to miss all the time when my eyes are glued together.

It was when I entered the saloon that I noticed that things were maybe not as they should be. First of all only the Captain was there, eating what looked like a nice platter of eggs, and when I entered he just looked at his watch and grunted. The cook was nowhere around which was strange so I just had some cereal and sloped back to my cabin.

Went down the engine room at 8 0'clock and Peter said "Been calling you, where have you been", well I just looked at my watch and then at the clock on the console -------- yikes. That was where things started to click in my head. Did I change my clock after all? Nope is the only answer I can give.

Day Summary. Late for work because I forgot to set my clock last night - big deal. Peter told me again "Never be late for work, after that who cares". What is the problem, silly people!
Happy: No

Friday: 8th November 2002

1200hrs. I can't beleive it. Like living in a Military Camp! Not that I know what that would be like but maybe I should have joined up after all! Things were okay this morning, was told to do my workbook and get some more of it completed. I was actually getting down to writing something on the oily water seperator and preparing to find the diagram of the system to copy (that is called allowable cheating). Getting down to it and trying to stop myself from either going out sunbathing again or falling asleep! But then the phone rang and BOB told me to make sure that my cabin was clean as the Captain was doing an accomodation inspection this morning! What is that?

Hmmm. Here he comes! I wait at my door for the Inspectors to come. Captain first with a lovely pair of white gloves on his hands and wearing full unifom, Chief just behind looking sheepish and a crumpled white shirt and white shorts and then straggling behind was a reluctant Chief Officer who looked as if he had been dragged out of bed in a hurry! They came into my cabin and looked around, the Captain started to run his fingers around the door frames and under the table top, one finger came back with a spot of greyish dust on it! Well, didn't he go mad! The Mate for some reason looked in my waste bin and spotted the empty can of pineapple rings, he just looked at me and shook his head! Yikes am probably going to get hell for that, stealing food from the galley or something! He didn't say anything though to the Captain so maybe he will forget about it. Just Maybe!

Anyway, whilst the Old Man continued trying to get his gloves dirty, The Chief and the Mate stood looking at each other and shaking their heads. After a while the Captian said to me, "your cabin is a mess, next week make sure it is clean", and away he stormed. The Chief looked at me in a way that might have been an apology and scuttled out with the reluctant mate in tow. End of Inspection!

So that is what an Inspection is all about - daft and stupid is what I say! But better clean my cabin before next week as I don't know how many pairs of gloves the Captain has! Does he buy them himself or are they Company Issue? Ha!

1900hrs. Sailing on. Learning fast! Was up on the bridge seeing what goes down at the top of the ship! Navigation and charts - the chart just has water everywhere! Ever looked in a Radar? Can't see anything just a green expanse of nothing! Anyway making 14knots or something!

Day Summary. Had my cabin inspection this morning which put off my doing any work on my workbook! Got as far as sharpening my pencil before the Captain came in and started acting like a housewife! Silly old bat! Funny to see the Chief though, don't think he was interested in inspecting cabins!
Sailing on across the Ocean! Watched a movie tonight and had a few beers. Good stuff! Peter and BOB actually talked to me like a human and told me just top clean my cabin for next week but also to forget about the Captain! Said they would keep me down the Engine Room and away from the White Gloves next time. Yippee

Happy Ration: 6

Saturday: 9th November 2002

Day Summary. Crossing the Line - what is that all about. people keep on talking about it and making funny jokes!

Sunday: 10th November 2002

2300hrs. Was coming up from the engine room after doing a check around with BOB. Went to the galley to get a sandwich that the cook often leaves out for us. I passed the Chief Officer Peter and he looked very suspicious! looked as if he had something stuffed under his shirt. But what could I say as he scuttled along the corridor. I hope it wasn't cheese that he had taken as the cook will blame me for that.

Day Summary. Caught the CO stealing stuff from the galley - or so I think! Hahhahah!
Happy Ratio: Up because of seeing The Mate stealing but down because whisperings about Crossing the Line are getting stronger. A tentative five at the moment.

Monday: 11th November 2002

1200hrs. Ah, help me someone. Peter the 2/E told me something good but it is too strange for words. Told me to have the day off tomorrow and get some of my workbook done. A day off on a Tuesday? Too strange for words. Either something has made him suddenly very nice or something is up onboard. I think it has to do with this Crossing of the Line because TJ says that we cross it late tonight.

1730hrs. Sitting in my cabin alone trying to digest information received. Pietro stopped me in the alley and said "watch it a all daya and the nexta". Which I took to mean as be careful today and the next as something was going to happen".

The next valuable peice of information received came from an unexpected source. It came from slinky Dave the Fourth. He has never talked to me before at all except to tell me to fetch a spanner or to tell me to get out of his way. But he knocked on my cabin and came in - for once looked quite human - and in an emotional voice explained some things to me. "tomorrow" he started "they will have a party at your expense. It might get very rough and they might hurt you but just play along and don't try to escape or fight back, that makes them really angry and hurt you even more. Good luck" he said and dissapeared back out. Leaving me non the wiser really only now I am scared!

Well, day off tomorrow and they are going to hurt me badly. That is allot to take in all at once. I do think that Davy has a problem though - they must have hurt him badly at one point or another as I think he was talking from expereince rather than from any practical aspect of tomorrows fun and games! I am not going to worry as that is not going to help me get through whatever it is that they are going to do to me. Must sleep now.

Day Summary. Told to have day off tomorrow. Also told to be careful and not to fight back. All too much to assimulate and work out. Am lying on bed staring at ceiling (sorry bulkhead) unable to sleep. Too much going on that I do not know about.
Sailing towards West Africa from Philly in USA!
Calm weather and nice and hot - sunbathing and sundowners club temp!
Daily Happiness Ratio: 3

Tuesday: 12th November 2002

BATTERED AND BRUISED in the evening sometime. I don't know what to say and I am too tired to write anything down. But I know that I must because this is history and I want to forget nothing of the torture and animalistic behaviours that everybody showed today.

Started in the morning. I was in my cabin hiding hoping that Pietro and Davy had been on drugs and high and that they did not know what they were saying to me yesterday - some hope. Anyway, in my cabin hiding and actually doing some work inbetween my bouts of worry. Then all of a sudden the lights in my cabin went off and it was dead black in my cabin - creepy. I tried to open the door but nothing as if something had been lashed around the door handle on the other side. Well, I knew that something was happening and that this was what everybody had been talking about. The day from hell! The Crossing of the Line, whatever that may be.

So a black cabin and a locked door! My first attempt at defiance came in the form of opening up the deadlight on the porthole and letting some light in. I then unscrewed the Porthole and started to squeeze myself through to the outside, an attempt to get away and make it all better for myself.

I was halfway out when something landed on my back! Ouch did it hurt! Trying to look around from my squashed position in the porthole (head and body nearly through the circle and legs kicking wildly in the cabin behind) all I could see where some legs. One of them looked like the bottom half of a policemans uniform and another looked like a pair of army legs! Deciding that retreat was the best option I forced and wiggled myself back into the cabin, now sweating profusly and frightened. What the hell was going on! Once back into my room the four legs approached the window and now that I could see all it turned out to be TJ dressed as a policeman and Peter the mate as the army guy! TJ had the truncheon and looked drunk! Yep, it was they and TJ had bashed me over the back with the truncheon I think. From outside they drunkenly told me to stay in my cabin until I was called. Adding the warning that if I tried to escape again they would not allow me to return without a severe beating.

Called for what? But stay I did, safer by far to await my torture than to be chased around the ship by a load of drunken idiots with wooden sticks.

Took them two hours to come back for me. I recall hearing sounds of people getting drunk far off in the ships bar. Two hours they took to get themselves suitably ready and tanked up for my torture parade - whatever it was supposed to be. At that time I still had no idea as to what was happening or what was in store for me. Well, I soon found out. They unlashed the door and dragged me (even though I could have walked) along the corridor outside and up to the swimming pool. There they unceremonioulsy ripped all of my clothes off and I stood there beside the swimming pool naked and alone. They could be doing anything! They could kill me and throw me away - nobody would know in the middle of the ocean, maybe they all hated me and wanted me gone! I was frightened and everything went through my head and fear coursed through my body. Well, that was until I looked up and saw the fish.

Yep, the fish! When I saw the fish I felt much better and knew that I would survive, that all would end peacefully. The fish was in fact the captain dressed up as a fish with a big crown on his head. Not sure if he was supposed to be a fish, but he certainly looked like one. The big red faced fish made me want to laugh but I thought that my laughter may cause the policeman and military personnel to get upset and start beating me up again. Didn't know that fish could have such skinny legs though!

The fish said: Ben Small, you have entered my kingdom without permission. I, King Neptune shall feed you to the sharks unless you can prove that you are worthy of of the sea!

Peter (the second Engineer) and a second fish said: The crimes against you are as follows:
Turning up late for work on more than one occassion.
Not getting drunk enough when ashore.
Sleeping too much and being unsociable.
Stealing food from the dry stores
(damn that Chief Officer)
Trying to escape your punishment by climbing through the port hole.

Those are your crimes how do you plead?

I suppose guilty would be okay. Not much choice really as if I said 'Not Guilty' I would be lying for most of my crimes. Silly fish.

Well, to cut a long story short. They accepted my Guilty plea and this then lead to my punishment. Yikes, what are these people! They dragged me down aft to the stern of the boat and tied me on my back by my arms and legs in a star shape. Maybe they where all sick, I thought, and where going to rape me! Well, there I was stark naked and tied down with an angry bunch of drunken men surrounding me, what else was I to think? Anyway and thankfully, it was nothing like that. Peter the army guy grabbed a bucket of slops (waste from the galley that had been maturing for two weeks, so I found out later) and poured it all over me. TJ poured another leaky and smelly one over me and I felt like being sick - the smell being so bad and pungent. Next step? Well, then they got this firehose rigged up and sprayed me wildly - wow, did that hurt as it is so powerful and rips the skin off! It also got rid of most of the smell and the slops which were trying to stick themselves permanently to my body.

Next step? Up to the swimming pool I was dragged and there stood my skinny friend (ex-friend) Davy with a pair of shears! He actually looked as if he was enjoying himself, maybe getting his own back for the torture that he had received all those years ago! Well anyway, still buck naked they forced me onto the chair and proceeded to hack off all my hair - right down to the roots. Davy sqeaking like a pig, was in his element - he certainly has some serious issues to contend with. After that TJ got the razor out and I kept very still as he tidied Davies complete mess up - TJ did a good job considering the fact that he was out of his tree and overloaded on beer! And then after that the Captain Fish told me that I had been accepted into the Realm of King Neptune and they threw me into the swimming pool, not really sure what that last action signified but to me it heralded the end of the torture.

So I have written about it. The party disbanded soon afterwards and I dissapeared to my cabin and here I am. Maybe I should go out but I don't want to. I want to be alone and away from my antagonists, at least for now. Will write more tomorrow but now I am going to curl up on my bunk and shut the days events out.

Wednesday: 13th November 2002

O630hrs. Can't sleep, didn't sleep, as back feels like a peeled orange! Every which way I lie it hurts like hell. Don't know if I have any skin left on my back

I don't want to step out of this cabin and I don't really want to face anybody on the ship. What am I to do? I looked in the mirror before and had the greatest shock of my life - I look terrible and as if I have leukemia or something. Did they have to shave my head? Can't work with a back like this but how am I supposed to tell them that I can't wear a boilersuit because it will rub on my back - THE ONE THAT HAS NO SKIN ON IT! Wish I was anywhere except on this ship here and now! Well, will have to put a brave face on it as there is no escape when in the middle of the ocean and far from land. Can't exactly go to the Big Fish of a Captain when he was one of the main antagonists, now can I? Then the Chief Engineer wearing a robe and looking like an blowfish standing next to him, not somebody that I can go to and ask for sympathy!

1230hrs. Morning over. Didn't do any work at all. Slept most of the morning. Peter met me first and told me to have the day off. "Special treatment for a new entrant to King Neptunes World" he said. Maybe he thought he was being funny but I just decided that I hated him. Anyway, had the morning off. Went for breakfast and the three fishes were there and slopping away at their perfectly done eggs. I went to my table with the ex-police and army units. They were out of it though, could hardly keep there red eyes open and chins out of their coffee such a bad hangovers did they have. Serves them right and I hope it hurts, I wander if they can remember anything that happened yesterday or what they did to me!

Day Summary. Day ended better than it started. Some people sat and talked to me and about the COL ceremony and such. That it is tradition and in fact that I got it easier than they did when it happened to them. Silly idiots! I did ask them if anything like that would happen again and they assured me that yesterday was the one and only time that anything like that would ever happen. Phew!

Sailing across the Atlantic - BELOW THE EQUATOR - if you didn't already know!

Sore back with no skin but had day off!

Chief Eng. Captain and Chief Officer did not talk to me all day - think they had a case of "serious embarasment". Peter talked to me and in a way made me feel better by saying that it had happened to everybody when they first crossed the equator. TJ and BOB apologised for getting drunk and beating me up, even though I can't remember seeing BOB at all during the whole episode. Davy said "nice haircut" and Peitro said "ah, eveyting is goot now - you alive!". So there we are, back to normal!

Happiness Ratio: dragged up from a negative to a positive.
BEERS: Six
CIGS: Ten (For reasons of stress relief)

Thursday: 14th November 2002

O630hrs. Grit eyes! Back to work. No more repreive even though I feel a fool with my bald head. Still got sore back but....life must go on!

Crossing the Line Ceremony - a brief background as I have peiced it together. Cast of characters involved: King Neptune, Queen Amphitrite, The Royal Baby, Royal Barbers and lesser attendents called Tritons. In other words ships' staff all dressed up in what can be gathered from around the ship - thus the reason for King Neptune and his wife both looking like fish, not on purpose of course and why I did not recognise BOB, because he had a mop on his head which covered most of it. In other words he looked like a mop. I suppose the police and the military precence was supposed to be the Tritons in a modern sense or due to a lack of suitable props onboard! I think the Royal Baby was supposed to be the cook who throughout the whole Ceremony lay on a lounge chair with only a towel wrapped around his waist. In actual fact I think he was asleep for the whole Ceremony.

Anyway, COL ceremonies go way back and are a form of initiation to a life at sea. Sort of like in the army where knew recruits are tortured and initiated in some disgusting or brutal manner. But the COL does have deeper meanings from the days of the Vikings and the Pheonic era when sacrifices where made to the gods as their ships passed important landmarks. Today? A Ceremony to test the worthiness and endurance of new recruits to be accepted into a 'life at sea'.
SHELLBACKS are those that have crossed the Line.
POLLYWOGS are those that have not.
GOLDEN SHELLBACKS are those that C. the Line and the International Date Line at the same time. NB: The Ceremony is regardless of Rank. Even a Captain that has never crossed the equator must go through the ceremony if it is his first time. Except this time it was only me! I am now a Polly wog or something like that!

The Ceremony in basis is to make the novices do some of the most disgusting things that can be thought up and then prepared before being dragged in front of the King to see if he can continue in his chosen proffession. In this sense the Crew of the mighty MV Pounder got it the wrong way about as they did everything to me in front of the Big Fish. But what the hell! Pietro was right to say "be careful" as in the past many novices have been seriously hurt as the crews got drunk and went overboard. In the past some cadets have had their balls painted in laquer paint (this is not historicaly based but of stupidity) and have had to be sent home in agony and without proper use of their instruments for a while if at all. Anyway, for me all went okay, if that is the case. They did to me what was normal and accptable I suppose.

Once the novices have been reduced to shivering wrecks it is then normal for them to be taken in front of the King who will then decide whether the shivering wrecks are worthy or not - like in a court house. Guilty or not guilty as the case may be!

Want to go to sea anybody?

1730hrs. Morning over and wearing a T-shirt to stop my back being so sore. Not too bad this morning. Helped Davy strip one Purifier down and clean it. And rebuilt it this afternoon. The Heavy Oil is disgusting like treacle. Gets everywhere aswell and is impossible to clean off. The best thing to use to clean heavy oil off is diesel oil and then wash afterwards with soap. Davy didn't say much the whole time - it is like working with a machine. I talked more to the Oiler that was cleaning the parts as we took them off!

Day Summary. Steaming towards Africa with my Bald Head. Can't go ashore looking like that, can I?
Okay day today. Just worked in the Engine Room all day with silent Davy. Everybody seems to have forgotten about yesterday and my humiliation, I won't forget but at least I can put it behind me if nobody ever talks about it again. Had a couple of beers at lunch - does wanders to passing the afternoon quicker. Sundowners club convened at 1800hrs, after dinner this time so a few beers were swilled - but feel drunkenly happy.
BEERS: Eight
CIGS: One per Beer
Happy Ratio: Pointing upwards and coming out of the doldrums.

Friday: 15th November 2002

1230hrs. Aha, morning over. Lapping in valves this morning on the spare heads of the generator that we overhauled last voyage. Use this special machine that if you set it up properly does most of the work for you. Round and round it goes and I just wach it - have problems setting it up though. Don't know about all of this engineering stuff, maybe because I am still unsure of what I am doing or something but I hate to press any buttons or turn switches or something. Still afraid to start the bilge pump. Bob says I will be okay and that one day when I am on my own and have to do things by myself it will all fall into place - I hope so and am keeping my fingers crossed. Made another mistake with the Log Book again, something about fridge temperatures being way wrong. The Chief was nice about it though, probably still feels guilty for his part in my torment the other day.

2230hrs. Ha, I thought the 'Crossing the Line' thing was all over but no, it came up again this evening. In a nice way though so it is okay. I was told to be in the bar this evening and I had some bad feelings that something else was going to happen to me. A rerun or another weird ceremony. But no, they presented me with this certificate to say that I had been accepted into the Kingdom of King Neptune. BOB and TJ apologised and said that they should have given me it on the day but the varnishing had gone wrong. Yep, really nice certificate and they must have put alot of effort into it.

A4 size with many words in Old Fashioned English (a couple of spelling mistakes) saying that "you have been found worthy of King Neptune and may forever more sail the seven sea with his protection and in safety", bla bla bla. They had spent days burning the edges with cigarettes, spilling tea at convenient spots and varnishing it three or four times to make it look like an old parchment. They then placed a lock of my once plentiful hair into a seal of some sorts (candle wax I think) and there we are. Something to remember that tortured day forever more. No, I do thank them as it is something nice to have and puts the whole situation in a better light - I think. If I say that enough times I may start to beleive it. How do I tell my mum back home about this episode. I can't even phone home as she will say "well son, so what have you been doing these last few days"? And I will reply, "oh, you know the usual things, been stripped naked and doused in stinking garbage, had all my hair chopped off, but I am allowed to sail the seven seas now". Na, I will leave a phone call home until better times and when I have something beleivable to say to mum.

Day Summary. Heard that BOB is leaving, time up and all of that. Relief is coming at the next port - still not sure where that is except that it is in Africa. Don't want him to go as he is okay and does not get angry all the time. Wish it was Davy that was going - the skinny squirt.
Sailing towards Africa and getting closer to one port another - must go and find out so that I can look it up in my tourist guide.
Got certificate to say that I can sail the seven seas - yippee, or not!
BEERS: Six to celebrate my freedom to sail the seas.
CIGS: Some to celebrate my freedom to sail the seas - am going to stop soon as I am not a smoker.
Happy Ratio: edging upto five maybe. Middle of the run sort of feeling.

Saturday: 16th November 2002

1230hrs. Hear ye, hear ye, news just out.......at last I have found out where we are going. I went up to the bridge and managed to get Pietro to show me the route and where we are going next. Charts are funny things, not like atlases or maps and they are hard for me to get information from. I mean, one chart can just show masses of water and nothing else and consist of a 1000 miles of "nothing", yet the next chart can show the coast and only stretch for two miles. This chart representing two miles of everything. So how can anybody put the two charts together and get a realistic picture. I can't. Maybe I am missing something important from a 'deckies' job - sorry boys. Anyway, Pietro got me out the Nautical Almanac (the deck bible) which has a basic map of the world in it for simpletons and maybe Engineers. "All ye who don't know how to use charts may use this" it probably says in the small print.

Okay, All new to me but here goes. We are going to Luanda! You know where it is? Because I certainly don't. Okay Luanda in Angola if that helps at all. Angola is in Africa and low down. Then on to Cape Town in South Africa, then around the Cape of Good Hope and up to Durban. From Durban around to the East Africa Coast. And from there? Who knows! Great stuff this tramping, before I joined this ship I always thought I would be going from A to B, and the from B to A, then from A, to B and so on and so on and so on. This is great though, get to see the whole world on my first trip!

Running around the engine room and being stripped naked and all of that has caused me never to wonder about the cargo that we carry. I know that we had some electronic goods, batteries and alcohol onboard for America. Must have been scotch whisky as haven't they got enough of everything else? Or maybe French brandy. Anyway I mamanged today to get passed Pietro and his strange English and work out where we are going. I will leave the cargo we carry for another expedition and operatic rendition for another day, when I have regained my energy.

2100hrs. I managed to use the engineroom telephone successfully today. The Captain phoned down and I heard "Second Engineer", which I took to mean that he wanted to speak to him. So I handed the phone over and that was that. A small thing but I feel really pleased with myself. Bob took me around on Safety Checks today. We have to do these every Saturday. Like testing Fire Alarms, testing emergency equipment, testing everything that moves or squeakes. I just think that I might be getting better in everything, maybe after all I am learning something even though I am still too afraid to touch buttons or anything.

Day Summary. End of day, tired but happy. Everything I did seemed to be okay and everything that I touched neither set off an alarm or fell into tiny little peices - which seems to have been an everyday event previously. Yep, feel really good. Even found out where we are going having crossed half of the Atlantic Ocean completely unaware as to our destination. Well, Luanda And Angola, must check my faithfull travel guide again - if it has anything about Angola and Luanda.
BEERS: One and happy
CIGS: One and not happy, but giving up is hard.
Happy: Six maybe.

Sunday: 17th November 2002

Sometime hrs. Somebody tells me that if you look at the water behind the ship for long enough it can hypnotise you and pull you into the sea. The wake made by the propeller turning, I mean. I went down aft and peered into the water and the froth of the propeller but am not hypnotised - I don't think so anyway!

All quiet today. Had the day off but then as usual the Old Fish decided to have one of his Boat Drills. I managed to get everything right this time, like the right boat and with all the peices of equipment that one should bring. Safety Helmet, Life Jacket, safety boots and I even managed to bring myself wearing my life jacket as suggested. Yes, everything went well until a volunteer was called to show how to use the Survival Suits. Big and awkward warm clothing for cold weather.....could hardly move my arms and legs as three of the crew pulled and squeezed and shoved my limbs and anything else of my body into one of those things. For the trouble that they had I cannot see how the Chief or Captain would get inside one, nor how anybody could possibly put one on themselves - without three strong crew members to assist. Although I did think at one point that they where pulling my arm out of its socket and that one was pushing my leg in whilst the other was pulling it out. Negative effect except for the bruises that remain on my shins.

NB: Volunteering is not to volunteer in the literal sense. The Chief Officer says "Ok, I need a volunteer", and somebody says "Oh, the cadet will volunteer". So in actual fact although I have not volunteered personally, I am volunteered and therefore have to do it. This is a frequent occurence it seems!

Day Summary. End of a Sunday at sea. Steaming along to Luanda! Be there in the morning - of which day I am not sure! Had a Boat Drill today and gained some brusises as some violent characters shoved and abused my body into a survival suit. How not to survive, wear a survival suit! Must remember that or maybe they have them in extra-large?
Hair peeking out from my skull, like a plucked chicken. Not sure whether to shave it all off again or let it grow and look stupid for a while!
BEERS: Three at lunch so that I could sleep in the afternoon.
CIGS: None - run out!
Happy: Yep

Monday: 18th November 2002

1230hrs.It is difficult to hear when the engines are running and the ship is underway. I just get so used to the noise that I don't notice it. I mean from the accomodation that is! As they are running all the time, and as the sound is only a gentle rumble far away in the distance, it doesn't become noticable. More like a slight vibration on the cabin floor than anything else. But what is noticable is when the main engine stops, and I woke up this morning knowing that something was wrong. It was too silent....

I looked out my Port Hole and it just looked the same. Sea, and more sea stretching away for as far as the eye can see! If it had been a real problem then they would have called me out of bed - I think! Anyway, at that moment I decided that it would look better if I ran down the engine room, ready for work than to carry on sleeping. Look good if I showed enthusiasm when a problem occured. Never mind that they did not call me, I will be there to help and show them that I am a good Cadet and eager to learn!

When I got down that engine room, I went straight to the Control Room. Barging through the door with adjustable spanner in hand, ear muffs on my head and Safety Boots on my feet. Ready for action and to help out. Bob was in the Control Room with the Chief and they just looked at me as I came storming in. They just looked at me in puzzlement and wander. "What can I do to help", I said breathlessly. "Get a shower, and wake up", Bob replied. He looked as if he was trying to stifle some laughter and the Chief even looked a bit less grumpier than normal! After some moments of confusion on my part and humor on my bosses part I finally found out what was going on and why the Engines had stopped. We had arrived at Luanda Anchorage - that did explain a lot!

Must have looked stupid storming down that Engine Room at 5.30am in a panic. Bob said he would not tell anybody about what had happened but then the whole ship knew about my own little Emergency by Breakfast! Ach well, at least I provide everybody with something to lighten their day.

1730hrs. Still at Anchor in Angola, Luanda. It looks lovely from the Deck. Hot and lovely beaches and palm trees. A perfect Holiday setting. I can picture bananas and Pinapples and watermelon as soon as we arrive, fresh fruit at evey turn. And then beer and beer at a very cheap price, and lazing on the beach with a cocktail.....that is what I thought anyway.

My guide book tells me the opposite. A very dangerous place having only just finished a violent and bloody Civil War that had been going on for ten years or more. Kicking out the Communists or something. Luanda is the second busiest port in Angola and its Capitol. A very dangerous and violent town, overcrowded and poor with violence and killings occuring daily and during day light.

An ex-Portugese Colony, Angola gained Independence in 1975 from the Portugese. The Portugese fled and the Cubans and Communism moved in. In 1992 a bloody Coup led to the first elections and since then a bloody Civil War. It has supposed to have stopped with the Capture and death of the geurilla leader but....its not so easy to put down guns. From 1576 Luanda was a Portugese Settlement, based on the Kwanza River and facing the Atlantic Ocean. A great spot for shipping all of those slaves from the surrounding region to the Colonies in Brazil. And now no more Slaves! From Luanda: Coffee, Oil Seeds and Diamonds are the main exports, alongwith its prime and growing Oil Industry.

Doesn't look so good now having read all of that bumf. People on the ship tell me that it is unsafe to go ashore at night, and not much better in the day time. Great, just great!

Day Summary. At Anchor in Luanda, Angola. Awaiting a berth or habor clearance or something! Looks lovely out of my Port Hole but my guide book says the opposite - dangerous and a violent place! Have been told to lock my cabin whilst we are in Africa and not to leave any tools lying around in the engine room or outside. Ach, it can't be that bad. Anyway, not much to steal in my Cabin.
BEERS: NIL
CIGS: NIL
Happy: Still Okay!

Tuesday: 19th November 2002

0730hrs. Grit eyes, waking up! Funny being at anchor. So silent and you can feel in the ship the lack of purpose. Won't talk about that to anybody as they will all think I am strange. Went out on deck and it looks so nice ashore! Everything on deck has been locked down, from all escape hatches, f/cstle door to fan casings and life rings. Must be serious for the mate to have gone to all that effort. He prefers to sit in a chair doing nothing, although he may have just gotten all the crew to batten down and sat in a chair himself? That seems to make more sense to me! Whoops, better go to work.

1230hrs. Alonside in the night somebody said! What a stupid time to go alongside! So instead Peter (the Second Eng. told us that we would get some work out of the way. Change the Lubricating oil in the Turbo chargers, check the holding down bolts on the main engine, check the standby pumps and put them on line, replace a leaking fuel oil pipe, and many other little and simple things. A good day really as nothing was hard, just a bit oily and plenty of them. Whizzing around ticking job after job off the list - it felt great. Some jobs just seem to take ages and are horrible to do, but today just seemed great doings jobs that cannot be done when the engine is turning. I suggested we do the Bilge Strainers but Peter knocked me down straightaway saying "you can do them at sea". Makes sense to me! So we just worked around the Engine Room as a sort of team, I still being the official gofer, but a team non-the-less and we got many jobs done in a fast and efficient manner. It is sometimes okay being a gofer now that I know what to get and where they are kept. Makes everybody allot happier if I bring the right tools and quickly. But it does not help me to lean anything as I am trying to remember what size spanner they wanted rather than how to overhaul the machine that we are working on. My head is so filled up with "go for this, go for that", that often the job has been completed before I even get to see what it is they are working on.

1730hrs. knocked off early today and we sat outside drinking beer. My head is going round and round and round and round and round - I think! Peter said I have to get up at 4am as we are going alongside then - silly time, silly people, silly place! Disturbing my sleep like that. Ships should only work in the day time and we should all stop working at night. Hic.

Day Summary. Swinging around the pick and I am drunk - I think. At anchor Luanda in Angola - going in tonight. Worked in the Engine Room all day but knocked off early today and drunk beer instead today.
BEERS: another one please
CIGS: I have quit of course, but this was party day so I had one or two or three.
Happy: Feeling good but maybe not later.

Wednesday: 20th November 2002

1130hrs. I Understand completely. I understand why it is advisable to remove, hide and lock down everything that can move or be lifted. It is as if all the stuff has wings and can just fly away.......one minute there the next gone. During the night some rope went missing from aft (one of the crew got a real sore ear from Peter the mate) and some paint went bye bye from out on deck somewhere. The missing paint probably caused the Bosun to have a real headache for days to come. I think one of the thiefs was on the wharf because he was being violently sick against a container. He was holding a bottle that looked as if it held paint stripper or something - maybe mistook it for a quality white wine. Bob was telling me before that they once stole some bleach (toilet cleaner) from his bathroom and did the same thing - drank it down and were violently sick. I bet they had a clean stomach though! He also told me that sometimes they steal the Life Rings during the night and if you want them back you can go shopping the next day. Go ashore and walking along the road there will be a little stall set up by the roadside. Upon looking closer you will see in the corner some nice and newish Life Rings with your ships name on it - and for a certain refund price they are yours to have back again. I wander if that is included in the companies budget?

Anyway, came along side this morning. I was down the engine room getting some more valuable experience on how to watch the engines during standby and how to the shut them down once the bridge tells us that they have finished with them. I of course forgot everything as soon as I came up on deck for a look around. Not quite high tech here as they remove the cargo. Slow and takes alot of them to lift one container or box out of the holds. We are only discharging cargo here, emptying out ready for other cargo or something. High tech goods from America to Africa. Discharge in Luanda, and South Africa and East Africa I think. No loading at all unless it is small cargo for further around the coast.They want us empty for a new charter or something - whatever, it is nothing to do with me. I just enjoy this cruising around these interesting places but.......don't tell any body that.

1830hrs. Went ashore today! This afternoon in fact! Bob was leaving as his relief had arrived. So we went up in the car with him, just as an excuse to go ashore. Arrived in town and wow what a place. Doesn't look violent but everybody justs stares at us. We dropped Bob off at this ultra high security hotel and then went for a walk around town. Me, Peter the Mate, Peter the Second Engineer and TJ. All big men except for me so I stayed safely in the middle. Too many of us to mess with! Walked around for a little while, tripping over the pot holes in the dusty road and scraping past hands held out for money. Kids following behind and budding grande-pre drivers everywhere we walked for a while before a decision was made to get a drink. The thing that I noticed was how many nice cars where being driven around. Expensive cars and many of them! So there must be plenty of money hanging around although not distributed fairly with everybody. The other thing I noticed was how dry and white everything seems, the roads are mostly white mud and the properly paved ones (rare and few between) are white dusty and potholed. Some roads did have water on them and trying to remain dry was a mere impossibility - the grande pre drivers soaking us as they bumped and jolted past in their expensive yet dirty prizes.

Went to this bar and found a table amongst the dust that was empty. Sat down and upon figuring out how to pay in US dollars we managed to get some large unquantifiable beer. Tasted excellent. And so did the second and the third. The owner of the bar looked after us very well by keeping the beers coming and by keeping most of the prying eyes from coming close to our table. They all speak Portugese here.......can understand nothing but Portugese it is!

The owner called us a taxi at 1700hrs and back we went to the ship. At least I got ashore and saw another place but I would never go ashore on my own. Frightening.

Day Summary. Alongside in the morning. Went ashore today and learn't a bit about the way of life in Luanda. BOB left and somebody called Albert joined. A small and round man with a permanent smile on his face. Leaving this evening, Chief Eng. and Davy the skinny misery are doing that as the Chief said that the Sec. was too drunk and that the new Third should have a sleep before starting work. I think the Chief was a bit angry about having to do some work but who knows.
BEERS: Three large ones
CIGS: None, see I can do it?
Happy: And cultured

Thursday: 21st November 2002

0730hrs. At sea again and another day to tick off. In fact I had two days to tick off today as I forgot yesterday! The Cook was grumbling at breakfast about I don't know what. Something to do with half his stores missing or so he said. Turned out that it was just the bread that he had left out that had walked or flown ashore in some workers hands. But from the way he was grumbling and swearing it looked as if we would be running out of food before the end of the day. I asked him for two eggs which I realise was asking too much, he did not shout or grumble or say anything in fact, but then the eggs never arrived. Better get down that engine room before I get into trouble. Never be late, etc.

1145hrs. Good morning today! Working with Albert as he got used to the Engine Room. Everytime I look at him I want to share the smile that is always on his face. He would make an excellent Santa Claus! Anyway, he seems upset with BOB and says that he left him no handover notes. Supposed to leave some notes about what BOB did during his time onboard and what jobs need doing and the state of the machinery or something. Like a history so that the next person can easily sort out where the problems lie, what to touch and what not to and what jobs need to be doing first. But then when Albert said this he was still smiling, very hard to say whether he is upset or he will say "ho, ho, ho". Hmmm,I feel like laughing when I look at him.

Day Summary. At sea. Albert is smiling happily. Realised today that the Cook has never once given me what I asked for at breakfast. Or maybe he did once on the day after I had my Crossing the Line Thingy. Och well, he has had half of his stores stolen so I will forgive him - half a loaf of bread anyway! Sailing down the Coast, BOBless but with a smiling Albert instead. Saw the Chief Engineer coming out of the Control Room, he was grinning from ear to ear. Never seen that before! Never seen a smile on his grumpy old face. I went into the Control Room and there was Albert smiling away as he looked around. He must work wonders on even the difficult cases like the Chief!
BEERS: None
CIGS: None
Happy: None? Na, smilingly happy at about level seven. Feel good, and time seems to be flashing by. Don't know why but it seems that when on a ship everybody wishes the time away. Wow, spend 70% of the year wishing that it was over!

Friday: 22nd November 2002

I wouldn't like to do it. I would be too scared to go through all of that. If I continue with this life though I may one day have to do it. I was talking to Albert the smiler, a really nice guy, and he was telling me about his trip from England to Luanda. A nightmare to say the least. He had never been this way before either and was shocked (smilingly so) at the business of getting there. One of the episodes was when arriving at Luanda airport. Three hours standing in the queue at immigration only to be told that he needed a Visa. He then had to leave the queue and go and stand at the Visa counter where after much shouting and screaming a Visa was issued. Upon returning to the Immigration desks another plane had landed - so another two or more hours waiting in the long, hot and endless line, this time suitably equiped with the paperwork though.

It did not end there. Next the driver that was waiting for him would not leave the airport until Albert payed him money. Supposedly as a fee for the long wait and Albert gave him Ten US dollars which was probably a months wages to this man. I bet the man was over the moon! Taken to a Hotel Albert checked in but was neither told how long he would be there or what he was supposed to do. The hotel was like a prison compound, steel backed doors with hundreds of locks on them and a big iron bar on the inside. The only way in was through this door as all the groundfloor windows had been bricked up - as well as the floor above. The hotel was run by this old Portugese lady and a staff of slow feet. For two days he stayed there and seemed to be the only guest in this prison camp. Advised not to go out he spent all day in a chair looking at out-of-date magazines in Portugese and drinking beer, never knowing how long he would be staying - an hour, a day or a week?. The food was good though, very country cooking style Portugese food. That was the only good thing about the whole expereince - so Albert said.

Nope, not something I would look forward to. Being younger and unsure I am certain that the taxi driver from the airport would have made me give him a hundred dollars or something. I would make his day. I was thinking later about poor BOB. He had a night in the hotel before flying out to some place in South Africa. He was all looking forwards to a night at companies expense and going to a few bars. I bet he was shocked upon arrival at his prison for the night. Hahahaha.

Day Summary. At Sea. Heading towards South Africa - or rather the South African Coast is on our left hand side. The Port side that is. Arriving somewhere, sometime this week, don't know as have not been up to the Bridge to see TJ or Pietro, been too busy working and laughing with Albert today. I think it was Cape Town though!