Time To Say "Goodbye"

When the phone clangs importantly on the hook it heralds the start of the end. You know it's not the wife, it's not the mother-in-law and it's certainly not the plumber as you paid him last week - it can only be your company!

It's about that time anyway! A massive whack of freedom of two months or more has just flowed and then the phone call brings reality knocking harshly at the front door.

"Mr Bloggs? Yes, we would like you to join the MV Bath Tub in Timbuktu in three days time", chants the impersonal voice of the Personnel Officer.

A variety of emotions will course through any self-respecting seafarer, from relief to be leaving the 'angry' woman to utter sadness to be departing true love. As with life in general the emotions may be more pointed away from love, maybe the surge of adventure calls or the love of earning money spurs the horses on. In some cases the emotions maybe dread of what this next contract will be like, fear over meeting the people on the vessel or hatred of a particular person that might already be onboard. A surge of relief maybe, to be away from the overpowering mother in-law, to be escaping the clutches of the taxman or debt collector - relief to be away from the city life and the smog that never ascends.

There are a whole variety of emotional responses that can form: one of the above or a concoction of a few or all! But in whatever form the emotion manifests itself (large, tearful, happy or ecstatic) it all starts with a phone call.

Packing the Suitcase

Many wives of departing seafarers have assumed over the centuries that it is their duty to either aid the process of packing or to completely take over. Now it would be extremely unfair to categorically state that every wife, girlfriend and co-habitu is a Royal Pain in the **** during the suitcase filling stage but most of them are!

To pack a bag may seem a relatively simple process; to fill it up with an assortment of items for a three month tour of duty can't be that difficult? Some toothpaste, a toothbrush, shaving cream, etc! But is it to be one tube of toothpaste or two, how long does a tube of toothpaste last for? Is one toothbrush enough or is three too many? If the Mrs is involved it will be three brushes, if she is absent only a sole toothbrush (partially used) will enter the bag.

Clothes are always a difficult item to choose, is it just to be a couple of t-shirts or a whole suit - an Armani or a Giordano? Clothes are more important to some than to others and of course an Engineer who wears a boiler suit all day may want to take far less than the navigator who either wears a uniform day in/day out or his casual gear. But clothes and toiletries apart other items must be jammed into the suitcase, those very items that would not be included should the wife have her way! This is not anything perverted or misguided simply those hobbies and good intentions that most seafarers like to have with them even though they never get used, started or completed. The "How to learn Chinese" language books: that have seen more of the world than most people but which have never yet been opened. The model kit of the QE2 that has rattled its way around many a baggage conveyor belt and been stuffed into numerous cargo holds may just one day be built! Good intentions need to be packed faithfully into the suitcase and are as important, if not more than a well ironed shirt.

Other items that need to be included in the maximum 30kilos allowance are the music CD's, the nail clippers, the walkman, the perfume should one be so inclined and all of these items fight for place amongst those deemed more important by the over keen Mrs! The packets of sticky sweets that are seen as a comfort, the fluffy slippers and the pyjamas that are viewed as a required necessity and a slice of grandmothers apple tart which although is very nice does not sit well with some countries customs policies!

Notes on the Abnormal

1. One Captain typically joined his vessel with the following items to his name: one visa card, one toothbrush and tube of toothpaste, one change of underwear (additional to that which he was wearing) and a spare t-shirt. All of this carried in a Safeway's plastic carrier bag!
2. One Engineer joining his vessel obviously had no help from his wife during the packing process. Nestled under a few T-shirts and pairs of shorts lay a few dozen cans of premium lager.
3. The Sailor who was stopped at customs was very embarrassed when his suitcase inspection revealed a large number of ladies frilly underwear, it was never determined whether he packed the suitcase himself or his wife was involved.

ing Goodbye to Loved Ones

Packing the suitcase for all members of the family is perhaps an escape from raw emotion breaking out. Having something active to do stops close family members thinking constantly about the blank and empty times ahead, diverts the mind to physical and absorbing activity. For the partner being left behind it is perhaps harder to cope with the days ahead. Having received her husband back into her life she has made adjustments, changed her routines and daily chores to work around the lazy slob who now sleeps late and drinks beer in the afternoons. Then after having grown used to this change and accepted it all as the new normal, she must return to the previous times with the click of a finger.

The seafarer typically, if he has any sense of duty and love, feels the 'hurt' and impending loneliness that is coursing through his partner's blood stream and both tend to turn to her feelings rather than his. Much of the time the seafarer copes well with his emotions, he may shed (although he will not admit it) a tear at the airport but in the days building up to departure he will not give thought or time to the problem. Well, he has done it before and will do it again!

Notes on the abnormal

1. Departing one early morning for his vessel a seafarer took the taxi with his wife to the airport. They checked in his bags and then went for a last walk together around the departure terminal. Sitting down for a few minutes the wife broke down in tears. This sadness broke the heart of the sailor who then vowed that he would change his career rather than cause such heartbreak in his wife. This desire came quicker than expected as he missed his flight, so ensconced where they in consoling each other. He is now Chief Elevator Repairman in a Department Store and she ran away with a Captain not soon after his change of career.

The Single Sailors Departure

The sailor who has spent the last months of his leave trying to spend all of the money that he had previously earned may look forward to returning to the high seas. Adventure calls and so is the angry bank manager who doesn't like his kindly offered overdraft facilities being abused.

In suitable fashion the partially-homeless seafarer will probably not find the science of packing very difficult at all and in some cases will not need to pack his bags - he having never unpacked them since his last tour of duty.

Goodbyes will be lengthy affairs undertaken with a group of mates and end up under the table at the local pub. Saying goodbye to mother and dear papa will in effect be a rapid "see ya" and will probably not extend past the doorstep, and the various flings of the past weeks will be dispensed with easily by phone or a meal in a romantic restaurant with vague promises "to call" upon return!

A seafarer without ties is perhaps very lucky, able to live to the full a wayward and foot free style of living without ever being called to account. The married sailor only gets to return to this sort of freedom when he eventually gets back onboard ship.

Notes on the Abnormal

1. One seafarer who decided that he had nothing to go back home for ended up extending his contract onboard well past the normal three months. After three years the company forced him to leave and although he went back home quite well off he was basically a wreck, a mere shell of the man he once was!
2. The sailor who during his trip met a young girl ashore decided to spend his leave with her. He was in love and all of his hard earned wages went to this girl in gifts and fancy foods. When he was due to return to his vessel he made plans for her to receive a monthly stipend from his account and he consoled her during her sadness at his departure. When he arrived on the vessel he found out that his mobile phone was missing and that his wallet was empty. She had though left a little note saying "thanks for a good time, left this in a box of condoms in his trouser pocket. The question maybe asked as to how he found this note so quickly but

After the phone call there might be three of four days of freedom left! Before it was pure endless freedom; now only restricted enjoyment. For some life carries on as before, for others it is a chance to maybe splash out on an expensive meal, to take a mini trip or to get totally drunk on a mixture of romance and alcohol. Favourite restaurants tend to be booked, relatives and parents in-laws visited or they appear mysteriously on door steps at all hours of the day and night.

It is time for the 'remaining' one to start thinking about the blank days ahead or the affair that she can pick up once the coast is clear, for the departing one it is time to rebuild the mind set ready for life onboard ship. Some seafarers find it difficult to change lifestyle so quickly and so drastically, others just let it happen as it comes and others still have to steel themselves for the future three months of stress and inane deep-voiced conversations that will become par for the course.

But the main task of all concerned during these few days is to be active and to get through the odd crying spell or two as quickly as possible. The wife likes to see a tear or to from their departing husband as it makes them feel loved and more secure for a return and the husband himself wishes that his wife would stop the water works. But it is an emotional time for all and one that is gone through every time that blasted phone rings!

Ieuan Dolby
Author and Webmaster of Seamania

Copyright © Ieuan Dolby, Nov. 2004