Marriage in Action

Getting married is an enormous step for any for two people. Life for both parties will change immeasurably and often after two months of supposed matrimonial bliss some might say that it has changed for the worse whilst others might say for the better! The fact that bare feet are no longer allowed to reside on coffee tables and farting aggressively with complete satisfaction are but small matters to contend with but later on they add up with other things of equal pettiness to become part and parcel of what maybe the end of the beginning, the first tolls of the death bell!

The actual decision to get hitched in the first place is relatively straightforward, for some it might have been a slip of the tongue after a night on the town for others a rush of good feelings after a bout of passionate sex. Maybe the fact that she is pregnant, that the only way to a have a rumple in the hay without the farmer telling tales is for them to tie the knot and for others it might just well be something that they feel they have to do for work reasons or because they are getting on a bit in life. Whatever the forces are behind the decision to get married it is probably safe to say that no couple once married ever imagined that life would be like it has now become.

There is naturally a grace period between the wedding-day and when realisation sets in that the other partner is in fact an utter bore whose seemingly sole purpose in life is to run the nerves ragged with triviality day in day out. This grace period varies greatly from couple to couple, for some it is a matter of hours (just about the same time that the hangover starts to recede) and for others it is a year or more! Eventually though small things start to annoy, trivialities begin to run opening wounds! I've never liked cauliflower, why do we have it with every meal? No, I only visit you mother because you want me to; in fact I think she is a battle axe with a social problem! Why do you always wear pyjamas in bed?

Reality has set in with a vengeance!

It is in fact those initial lies that first rise up to become the root of most marital problems. All those off-the-cuff words that were said in the heat of the moment - I love your mushroom pies, wow, your mates are good fun - all said and emotionally meant when the roses smelt great and the future shined brightly ahead! Sadly though as the petals fall limply to the ground and the cold dark winters set in it is those very small fibs that rise up on the battlefield to be used as weapons of attack with viciousness and thrust in an attempt to defeat the other.

Marriage bears responsibility, a lead weight that neither party dwells on before marriage and that is easily cast aside during the days of grace. Responsibility rears its ugly head in many forms, from making sure that a meal is laid out three times a day to ensuring that the money is earned and enough of it! As a single person or engaged couple the ability to wipe aside regular income and to use pizza hut and the local Chinese take-away on a daily or hourly basis is a common and accepted practice. To carry on the 'old-ways' once securely hitched is basically to shy away from ones responsibility.

The participants of a marriage have to realise that there is in fact another person sharing the very same space. No longer can the words sacrosanct or sacred be used. The words "you are invading my privacy space", is translatable to "you bug me". In an East meets West style situation both members of a marriage have to cope with the fact that the sole fridge is not purely for storing cans of lager, the bathroom cabinet is not in fact a drug store and that the washing-up does not happen by itself! This in itself is a heavy responsibility that can only bear fruit if ground is given, in other words it is the responsibility of any party to a marriage to give way, to meet halfway and to fully understand that putrid trainers in the laundry basket are not really appropriate to a fruitful and progressive continuation.

Naturally as discussed before small things that annoy are so easily swept under the carpet but when reality sets in it is time to back-down and to show consideration for the other half and not to use attack as a means of self-defence! By showing understanding life can move forwards instead of downhill (a nearly vertical slope with a rubbish tip at the bottom) and in the long run both parties can become winners. Many long term couples, ones who have survived the traumas and hurdles of married life to become boring old couples who nobody wants to invite to parties, did not in fact have it all mapped out for them. They also would have had to cope with the realisation that all was not as they thought it would be but simply through understanding a few shouting matches and a tantrum or two life eventually returned to a semi-functional existence.

Many participants of a marriage assume that by giving up a habit it is the same as losing the battle. It is this very view that leads to the complete dissembling of many a marriage, the base reason behind plates of soup being deposited on unsuspecting heads and television sets being thrown out of windows. Divorce lawyers survive on and love this sort of behaviour but by a simple peace offering between couple's marriages could be saved and divorce lawyers would not be smiling so heartily. In simple terms by giving up or reducing a habit slightly (by taking it to the garage or the bathroom) an amicable atmosphere is produced. I'll stop listening to pink Floyd if you stop snipping your toe nails in bed! Okay, I will stop bringing my mates around if you stop leaving wads of minced-up chewing gum stuck under the mantelpiece! In this way an environment is invoked which for a lack of another way to put it involves trading, market forces and the ability to sell a product in a neat and packaged way, maybe not for a profit but at least for something of equal value!

By simply accepting the fact that annoyances and trivial matters can be disposed of through trade another period of the marriage can be entered into, the era of sustainability! This is a time of married life were both parties are cracked open to change, have opened themselves up to the realisation that they are after all not the boss and that just maybe they don't want to end it after all.