A Travelling Baby

Babies tend not to travel on planes too much these days! If they do adventure to the skies every move and every moment is covered by watchful parents, a mother and father who live on the edge, neither sleeping nor pausing in their task of ensuring that no sound, no squeak or bubble issues out from the potential noise polluter in their care.

It was in this frame of mind that my wife, son and I set off from Kaohsiung, Taiwan to travel the lengthy distance to Edinburgh in Scotland. Three planes, two airport transits, a bus ride and two taxis, the journey looked like an insurmountable mountain of pain and suffrage. As a constant traveller I appreciate fully the complexities and feelings of lengthy travel that others who fly only casually do not know about. Regardless of our trepidations we set out faithfully at the appointed time, kitted to overflowing with milk bottles, baby wipes and toys to keep our son occupied should he so much as open his mouth and we were prepared mentally for the worst.

Contrary to all expectations the initial part of the trip went extremely well, our son became interested and seemed content to just look around at all that was new and we became hopeful that all might be okay.

At Hong Kong Airport
Photo Copyright © Ieuan Dolby, 2006

The first signs of trouble occurred on Cathay Pacific flight CI___ from Hong Kong to London Heathrow Terminal Three and emanated from a Red Headed bimbo with a chip on her shoulder who was to sit in seat 40A. As she boarded the plane in her short skirt that allowed no room for error she spotted a baby and with actions that speak louder than words she told us how she felt about the situation. Realizing that her seat was across the aisle she gave first my wife the up and down and an extremely evil glare, then gave me the once over and a glare and then proceeded to sniff wildly before plunking into her assigned seat. As the flight boarded painfully slowly I heard her giving the poor gentleman sitting next to her the problems associated with babies and how they tended to ruin the flying experience for her!

I was extremely glad to hear that our co-pilot for the flight was Jackie Chan, at least no "baddies" would get near the plane this flight!

A little known fact is that babies weighing over eleven kilograms cannot sleep in the bassinet? Oh, and babies under two years old do not get a seat? These simple yet clearly printed rules leaves a sort of grey area that is quite hard to accept! Holding a twelve kilogram baby in ones arms for six hours (half the flight for my wife and half for me) is very painful indeed. Airlines are supposed to be child-friendly, and futuristically speaking they should be as today's babies are tomorrows paying passengers but this grey area of seating for 12kg babies under two years old is not very friendly at all. Oh, and should one assume that letting the baby sleep on the floor is an option: an extremely grumpy stewardess told us off for doing such a careless and dangerous thing! And the lady in seat 40B nodded her head as if to say "I told you so".

The trip was not all that bad. Our son managed not to cry too much and screamed only a little. Red head in seat 40B asked for her seat to be changed when a slight squeak emanated from our end of the plane! Her request was denied and apart from once again glaring forcibly in our direction (I felt the hairs on the back of my neck rising) and sexily attempting to gain the confidence of the man sitting next to her, by talking about travelling babies and wicked parents, the plane just flew onwards with our able and protective co-pilot Jackie Chan!

Looking like trouble .....
Photo Copyright © Ieuan Dolby, 2006

Our son did though decide to fill his nappy with alarming frequency which proved to us that airplane toilets are not designed for babies (maximum loading capacity of nappy changing table strangely enough was eleven Kg) and one has to be extremely agile to wield pampers and babies in swift movements before the seat belt sign comes on.

We managed with gritted teeth and fingers crossed to escape the confines of the plane in Heathrow. And just as we breathed in fresh air once again the man from seat 40A came up to us and said "what a lovely son you have", I think he was in some way trying to apologize for the red-headed piece of chipboard who had spoken so loudly and in no uncertain terms about babies and how they invaded her privacy space! Thanks Mr. in seat 40A!

Airports are another menace to society! Who can imagine racing against odds with luggage and baby across terminals, along moving walkways and on and off buses! Were has the ease and romance of travel gone? Arriving at Heathrow Terminal One in a mood good to kill we waited near to the boarding gate for the final flight to Edinburgh! British Airways though managed to put the final nail in the coffin of our trip by giving a general boarding call and completely ignoring our standing presence with baby in arms right next to the announcer. She announced a general boarding call for all passengers and before we could even get close to putting one foot in front of the other a hoard of briefcase wielding business-men stormed over, past and through us without pause for reflection. By the time we managed to collect our selves back into a family unit and to get onboard the plane we found no space in the overhead bins for our luggage and a horde of suited up scowls 'tutting' like chickens in a pen! Thank you BA!

Despite waiting in very long queues with a baby (nobody thought to let us on through), never managing to locate a person who knew anything about pram's that could be hired, borrowed or used in airports as previously advertised and despite hordes of travellers who feel that they are the most important things on earth we managed to get through to the other end in one piece and intact!

Flying is not about jet lag it is about coping with the inadequacies of airlines, of ground staff and passengers who have no respect for others.

I don't want to complain too much! After all it's only eighteen hours out of my life and my son enjoyed it all thoroughly. Just a shame that I have to do it all again next week - just to get home again!

Ieuan Dolby
Author and Webmaster of SeaDolby.com
Copyright © Ieuan Dolby, 8th December 2005