The Red Envelope

Something that has not been mentioned in the whole marriage process is that of Red Envelopes. The giving of Red Envelopes is a massive part and one that deserves individual attention.

A Red Envelope is in basis a red colored envelope. To go a bit further a red Envelope usually contains large dollops of cash. On the surface these envelopes are the wedding gift to the married couple by the guests invited. The guests do not give material goods or presents to the couple as in the Western World; they give cash.

There is allot more to the physical giving of the envelopes and the amount inside: far more is present than the eye can see. The giving of the envelopes and what is contained inside is mostly about "face". More so than any other aspect, including that of giving a present to the married couple.

One trusted person from each family will be carefully chosen to receive these envelopes. He or she will be given the responsibility of receiving the gifts from the guests as they arrive at the wedding and he will be responsible for the cataloguing of each and every amount that is given. The trusted person will set up a table directly outside the door of the house and next to or behind the main table. They will then receive each envelope as it comes, count the money inside and write all the details down in a book especially made for the event.

Money is not something that the Western World likes to talk about in front of others, but in Taiwan it is something that is freely talked about and shared around at all times. Instead of talking about the weather, friends may discuss wages or the price of a set of plates that one recently purchased. Value and money spent is of greater interest than the weather that may or may not be expected that afternoon.

General guests and friends typically will give as a gift around 2000NT Dollars, which is around forty pounds (50US Dollars) or so. If the giver is a boss or superior of the bride or groom then they will probably give some more. If the guest is an influential member of the community then they will give double or triple the base amount. And if the giver is a family member then the amount increases disproportionately and depending upon other circumstances.

It is hard for one not involved to work out how much another should give. It is not only the closeness or family connection that plays a part but also history and prior events. Say the giver recently had a wedding of their own and the current brides mother gave ten thousand in the red envelope to them. It is now the duty and "saving face" of the current giver to give the same amount or more. Giving less would be deemed a direct insult, regardless of the amount given.

Financial strength is not taken into account at all. Face and popularity play the major parts in the process and if an ex-receiver of money is now giving the amount given is dictated by how much she/he received in the past.

This situation does not have an end. Each occasion, between close family members and those with influence, produces a thicker envelope and over time the amounts given can be quite staggering. To give too much inside, increases the time when this money is returned and so the amounts given have to be carefully documented for future use. Each amount has to be slightly above and over the last amount but not too much as to be overly generous. Face is gained with an additional ten percent at the most added on.

Red Envelopes are not just a wedding occasion. Envelopes are passed around at all times of the year, at New Year, during the Moon Festival and when a special occasion rears its head. Red Envelopes are given at times of death, when babies are born and when one loses their job. Red Envelopes cover all forms and events in society and the giving of material goods is not an acceptable alternative form. Parents do not give to children: the offspring must give to the parents. Workers do not give to their bosses: the bosses must be the givers. Sisters do not give to older brothers, they must give to the younger members and younger brothers receive but do not give out. Friends give to friends and relatives give to others but mothers give only to friends and relatives but not to husbands. Husbands give to wives but to nobody else and wives give to everybody else but not to their husbands.

At weddings the Red Envelope process is of the utmost importance and more so than everything and anything else. Through the calculation of the amounts, mental lists can be made up of whose "face" has been preserved with the suitable amount that they gave. Where face has been lost and were it remains the same. Through seeing what has been given, insults (low amounts) can be easily spotted and where one guest is trying to improve status the large amount will clearly show this.

It is quite a simple idea to conjure up. That the more guests that are invited the larger will be the income generated. A typical table for the wedding will cost 10,000NT Dollars. With ten people seated at a table the amount per person will be 1,000 Dollars. They happy to be fed freely and working on the basis that the more they eat the more they save have brought along as many family members as they can without being noticed. But generally the average money given weighed against the cost to feed them is heavily in favor of the amount given. The end result being that, weddings generate money and that the more guests that are invited the more money will be made. Weddings show profit inline with Chinese Culture and tradition. If a wedding loses money then something has gone severely wrong and thus face has been lost.

The couple tend to receive Red Envelopes from close personal friends (those without connection the parents) on a personal basis and before the day of the wedding. But all of the serious givers and the relatives give the envelopes on the day. The proportion of the friends of the couple measured against those of the Parents is minimal with well over 80% of the attendants at the parties being from the parents side. To say again: Weddings are for the parents to show face amongst their friends and to win influence with their peers and influential members of the community. Friends of the couple are of little importance to the whole occasion and furthermore tend to only give the minimum amount of 2000NT Dollars. Friends of the couple are seated well back from the center of events and places close to the main table are given over to those with the money.

With the mothers face playing such an important part one has to look a bit deeper at what is going on within the family. It has been said before that the mothers face is of the utmost importance. The fathers face and those of the other immediate family members, are not really of interest and play no serious part. Typically, no other members maintain a face to the outside world or theirs are seemingly channeled through the mothers. She is the face of the whole family that is presented to the outside world. Fathers go out drinking and work all day. They go out to work; they bring home all of their hard-earned money and invariably give over all of it to their wife. The wife in-turn takes complete control on how that money will be spent and how much of it will be used for whatever she deems fit. Allot of a families income will be used to improve her face by giving large and frequent red envelopes to those that are in a position to improve or maintain her social standing within a group, family or community.

A husband can improve his wifes face and thus indirectly his own by getting a higher wage, by receiving a promotion or by drinking with a higher class of buddies. These buddies in turn having wives whose faces need to be maintained. For a husband to go out drinking with a lower class of buddies severely diminishes the wifes dignity and would thus not be tolerated however much fun he is having.

Money earned and added up where does it all go? One would assume that the money would go to the couple for the start of a their new life together. Wrong! The couple get nothing out if it except for that which their personal friends gave in private. The amount given by these friends is often of such a small quantity as not to play a serious part in the whole affair and something that the mothers either dont know about or allow to go unheeded.

The serious money, that which is given respectively on the bride and grooms days to those families in turn is added up and kept by the mothers. The amount will probably be deposited in her bank account and used as she sees fit. The couple will not see a penny of the money again.

The mother in her turn will use that money to pay out future red envelopes to others as and when their turn comes. She will use that money as she sees fit without interference from anybody else and she will use it liberally and generously when she decides that it will increase her face in society.

Any hopes of the groom for seeing even some of that money are dashed. Any slight thoughts of asking for some to help pay off his mounting debts, are thrown away as soon as the party is over and the mother takes control. The red envelopes disappear faster than the food is eaten and never to be seen or talked about again.

Rd Envelopes are the face of the mothers and it is their duty to look after, count and to use that money as they see fit. Outside interference will not be tolerated.