The Introduction

Marriage amongst the younger generation is and always has been a time for great activity and stress for all involved. For a couple having decided to get married, if they had known the trouble and stress involved they would have resorted to a life alone. If they could have looked into a crystal ball and seen what their parent where capable of then they would never have freely entered into a pact of marriage with each other however much love they held.

I am of course speaking collectively as there are always exceptions to the rules. Some couples may have a happy time planning a wedding and such like. Others may relish in the fuss and bother and screaming that often results as families fight to have their wishes attended to. And others still may just run away and get married without telling their parents anything.

But if a poll where taken of all couples that had recently tied the knot I would suggest that 90% of them would have thought twice about getting married -had they known what it was going to be like.

Culture and tradition clashing head on with the modern day, would have been a good title for this article. Parents and grandparents fighting to maintain tradition and "face", and the children wishing that they could fight back to bring in modern ways and ideas that are part of the life of today!

First of all let me explain about "face". This is the largest item on the agenda during a wedding and during most other times as well, not so much for the father and relatives and the couple themselves but for the mothers. A mothers face is very important and comes first and foremost in any planning for the big day, remembering that the mothers will control everything that occurs at the wedding and the days leading up to it. Everybody else should be sitting down on the sidelines and agreeing to everything that the mothers do and not saying a word.

What is "face"? Face is the outward appearance that all others will see. Face has nothing at all to do with the feelings of the heart. Face has nothing to do with sense, practicality or cost. If face is at stake then no boundaries are included in its rescue.

Face is "dignity and the lifting of the character above all else. It becomes largely competitive in a group and is about being see to be better in the eyes of those around you. For example: if one woman in a group has a new car, then in that group her face has been increased. She can hold her head higher than the others in that group until such times as another member has a new car. And should her husband crash the car, well her face will be so low that she will cry in shame or spend all of her husbands savings to buy the biggest and most expensive car in Taiwan. This is called "saving face", and if money can do it then money will be found.

If one of the ladies in the group has a child that is getting married, then it is time to life her chin right into the clouds. If she has a son/daughter that is getting married the she has the perfect opportunity to increase her face in front of those in her group. To do this the wedding must be a large and opulent affair filled to overflowing with money-bought extravaganza and loudness. No effort must be spared in promoting the wealth and effort that the couple have around them and no effort must be spared in showing to the outside world the amount of money that has been spent on the wedding itself.

Getting married in a church and then going on a honeymoon, or having a small meal in a restaurant with some close friends is not face improvement. Doing this would be to bring shame on the mothers and a serious loss of face. The wedding must be for all around to see the money spent, it must eek the spending of hard cash and ooze friends and importance.

The lady in this imaginary group that I have created would like to have certain things at the wedding of her offspring and these things will lift her face to the top of Mount Everest.

1. There must be as many guests as can be scraped together. No effort must be spared on locating all possible connections and friends and to inviting them.
2. The wedding must be loud and outside the familys houses so that all neighbours can see.
3. The other members of the group must be seated near to the wedded couple so that they can see first hand the massive amount of gold jewelry that the bride has and the large and thick gold rings that the groom has been given.
4. The guests must be seated by importance with the high officials and members of the community seated close and at the center along with the other ladies of the group so that they may witness the connections. Friends of the couple and unimportant people will be seated at the outskirts friends of the couple do not increase face and so are just used to make up numbers. Mothers wishes of course.
5. The dinner will naturally stretch to well over ten courses because another lady in the group had nine courses at her daughters wedding, and the alcohol on offer will be of the most expensive possible and will be freely poured whether a guest wants some or not.
6. Fireworks must be set off at frequent intervals so that anybody for miles around that does not know that the wedding is happening will now have the chance to investigate.

It may seem harsh, what I have said above. This is not a hard and fast judgement that I have made, this is just how I have seen it. Many of my wifes friends have recently got themselves hitched up and the pains and traumas that they have been through have all been relayed back to me. And none of their troubles differ much fro each other. The mothers are at the heart of the problem, her face is being mentioned at every available moment and because of her face money becomes the issue.

My wifes friends have not had happy times and they all state clearly that had they but known, they would never have decided to get married.

Face of the mothers is so important and must be protected and if possible increased at every moment of every day. Face is increased by weddings and so through the spending of large amounts of cash the wedding can be brought into line and above others that have recently occurred. The mothers will ensure that this happens as they take complete control of all wedding plans for the build up and the day itself. Nobody else will have any say or input into how they will run and dream up the big day.

Butt out, this is the mothers day. If you dont have any money to give then sit down and shut up Bride and Groom Included.