Silas Parks Goes Bump in the Night

Ah, I remember that day very well, an oil painting in my head it is! It seems like only yesterday that this particular episode occurred so maybe all those knock and bumps to the vessel rattled my brain permanently out of shape! We hopped around that harbour like a blind and angry wasp in a tin can!

Four ships we hit, and the jetty if I recall correctly! We also made the German pilot boat a few inches shorter and the Kraut Pilot to go prematurely bald, we holed a barge (although limited proof exists of this claim as it sank soon after) and we sent a couple of navigation buoys scooting off and out to sea before we finally ended up on the bows of some spick and span cruise ship that just happened to be passing by - free drinks on the aft deck that day I think!

The whole episode whizzed by us in a matter of minutes and it all occurred up in Turkey somewhere, Istanbul I think or was it in Greece? Venezuela perhaps? I suppose the place doesn't matter; the authorities and owners of the damaged vessels and equipment have long since been paid recompense and moved on to other things, leaving me with the picture and the memory of all that occurred!

Not at all my fault you know!

It all started in a bar strangely enough! We had been previously informed that the ship was not sailing and having been at sea for a few weeks, those of us who could, repaired to the bar for some light refreshment and general chinwag! Great bar if I recall correctly, suitable Dutch atmosphere (or was it Scottish) for a bunch of seafarer's with a little thirst to quench! And then somebody came and told us that we needed to shift the vessel as some other boat needed the berth!

I wasn't drunk or anything, as I prefer to remain in full control of my faculties but I had imbibed a couple of tots and so I made an immediate command decision that I should allow the second mate to move the vessel away from the berth and that I would simply supervise. Two minds are better than one and the second mate was stone cold sober, a great boat driver he was - even if say so myself!

It is with complete mystery how the cook ended up on the controls - it still remains a 'blip' in the picture to this day. The truth be told, the cook was also sober, as proved by the subsequent breathalyzer checks conducted by the Italian police but the Second Mate, who was eventually found naked and half inside the washing machine, was definitely not! Peculiar situation I must admit and how these two very different seafarers got mixed up is beyond reasoning or explanation! The cook during his testimonial continually repeated that I had ordered him to take the wheel after catching him chasing the Chief Mate through the alleyway (something about brie) and that because he was shorter than average that I told him to stand on a wooden crate to enable him to see out of the bridge windows! I am not at all sure what made him say this but he was always a bit of a strange bloke that Cook! A complete loner, one to watch out for if you ever sail with him! The Second Mate during his interview at the Spanish Police Station told them that he had always been interested in opening up a woman's laundry - they asked him no further questions after that!

The Chief Engineer started the engines in good order that day, admittedly the Second Engineer said that he simply breathed into the engine room and the machines jumped into action on the fumes alone, but regardless of the 'how' the engines were started and the ropes promptly let go (from the wrong end I admit)! And so we were off to in the general direction of the anchorage, a mere matter of minutes before a quick reverse of the engines and down the anchor would go! A simple matter - an easy slice of seamanship that any self-respecting navigator could do in his sleep!

All the Cooks fault really - what occurred next, I mean!

The Second Mate (who was in-fact the Cook) increased speed to half-ahead and jiggled the steering wheel professionally from side-to-side like they do in the movies. The Chief Engineer appeared on the bridge with more oil on him than I thought we had onboard and muttered something about candles and safety matches and then promptly fell asleep on the chart table! The phone rang and whilst I was discussing the benefits of using navigation lights with some inexperienced Thai Harbour Master the bridge lights dimmed (I had forgotten to switch them off in the rush) and the Chief fell off the chart table! I must admit at this point that I was quite worried indeed. With the bridge lights now dimmed I was able to see out of the windows (how the Second Cook had ever managed to see anything, with more light inside than out, I have no idea, even with the aid of the wooden crate) and was extremely surprised to see so many ships so close and the French port, which I had thought we had just departed on our port bow!

It was at this point that the situation turned from bad to disastrous and through no fault of my own. The Second Engineer appeared on the bridge and whipped the wooden crate out from underneath the cook's feet. He said the cook had stolen it from the engine room and that its purpose in life was to support the fan which kept the generator cool, thus the reason for the loss of electrical power. This abrupt action caused the cook to fall down, pulling with him the telegraph handle which moved from the half-ahead position to full astern.

In layman's terms, the movement of the telegraph sends a signal to the engine so within a matter of seconds the engine responds to the request from the bridge. And so we churned backwards very quickly indeed. Oh and don't forget that: no generator = no lights = can't see anymore, although the side benefit of this is that we can see out of the windows! Also with all the oil on the floor that the Chief had flooded in, the floor was quite slippery indeed!

This abrupt change in movement of the vessel caused me to fall down the bridge stairs and to hit my head on each and every step before ending up inside the Mates Cabin on the deck below (he was at that time eating a brie sandwich consisting of two very large slices of bread, that might have been the direct result of a fight between a chain saw and a loaf, with a whole half-pounder of brie inside)! He made no immediate comment on my abrupt entrance, simply offered me a bite of his 'snack' which I refused politely! The cook soon thereafter rattled down behind me with the Chief Engineer not far behind!

Whilst the Chief Engineer debated over joining the Chief Officer in his midnight snack and whilst I questioned the Cook (who was glaring at the mate) as to his navigational skills, we went bump in the night!

I never actually saw the full extent of the damage! It was dark outside and anyway, the cruise ship on whose bow we had landed was blocking our view of the rest of the harbour. The police did mention that we had rammed a few ships whilst going full astern, luckily causing only material damage with no injuries or fatalities resulting!

After a few phone calls to the right places the whole situation was brushed under the carpet quite quickly and no arrests were made permanent! The port authorities wanted a scapegoat, the police wanted to jail everybody but I suppose being in Brazil our company managed to spread some money around and so the authorities turned a convenient blind eye to the tune of filled pockets!

I certainly don't want to portion out blame like a five-course dinner but I have to question the ability of some of my officers (and the cook) that fateful day! How was I supposed to command a ship properly when I had a cook instead of a second mate steering the vessel like he was on an evasion training course, a second mate inside a industrial washing machine, a mate eating doorstoppers when he should have been on deck, a chief engineer swimming in oil and a second engineer being possessive about common-as-dirt wooden crates? An impossible task I had set myself there!

I suppose though it is all in the past and it was unfortunate that our company had unrelated financial problems and folded not soon afterward.

I must admit though, I did enjoy those couple of glasses of Saki before my crew let me down! I have sadly never been back to Japan since!