Rats Onboard

Rumour has it, that if you see a rat on a ship then all is okay in life!

Having said all of that: seeing a rat onboard is not what one wants first thing in the morning or at any other time of day for that matter. And of course with modern standards of hygiene and the poisons available to rid a ship of such vermin then there should not really be rats on a ship at all!

Ever!

The Chief Mate saw the rat first. He was prone to rising early and sitting on the bridge with a large mug of steaming coffee to hand and staring out of the rear window at nothing (a life gone by maybe)! This fine morning, having settled himself into position, his vision to his own past was obscured by a little face peering back at him through the bridge window. A rat just sitting on the outside was taking in the scene of the bridge within. Neither moving, they just stared at each other: the Mate in greater shock than the rat who seemed more curious than in any fear of his future. Having stared each other out, the rat eventually ambled off leaving a confused and very disturbed Mate alone in his chair.

Prior to this initial sighting the ship had been totally rat, vermin and cockroach free and the thought of a rat onboard had been totally unthinkable. The Mate soon spread the story of his encounter and further sightings were reported in quick succession. The Bosun witnessed three rats having a conference under the Winch space, the Cadet swore that he heard one in his cabin during the night (strange lad) and the Captain saw one playing merrily on a coil of mooring rope out on the deck.

Rumour also has it that 'where one Rat is seen another ten will be hidden'! If this is so the ship could be infested throughout with many happy rat families! For a couple of days the conversations around the ship existed purely about rats. Planned Maintenance was forgotten as the Chief Engineer discussed with the Second about making large traps with reinforced springs. The Cook wondered casually to the Bosun if one could eat rats and was informed in no uncertain terms of his fate if he tried to cook one! The Cadet asked the Mate if he could move Cabin and the Mate agreed, reminding himself that there was something seriously wrong with that kid! The Captain was heard shouting at the Second Mate who had casually asked what happens to the rats once they are caught and was promptly made to regret it! "Who the Bloody hell cares you idiot", was heard wafting down from the Bridge.

The general opinion (after the safety meeting had been called to order) was that there were three rats onboard, that they were not really very scared of humans and that they had decided to take a trip on the vessel just to see what being at sea was all about. That there maybe more was not accepted, as so far they had not had time to multiply. That they had climbed up the mooring lines or up the gangway in the last port was accepted as fact, as that place was a total mess as ports go. Shutting the stable door after the horse has left; they agreed that rat stoppers (metal guards on the mooring lines to prevent them climbing up) would be used at all subsequent ports and that the gangway would be raised slightly when alongside to prevent rats climbing up.

It was also generally agreed that the situation must be brought under immediate control, that the rats must either be caught and removed or that at the very least they must become too frightened to step outside of their hide-away! They all felt that the rats should be more scared and not to appear so casual and happy whenever they felt like it, as if their presence was an accepted fact onboard. 'Out of sight out of mind', was the agreed solution by many of the seafarers onboard!

The Bosun initiated the search for some traps that he thought he had seen a long time ago and the Captain sent off a requisition to head office on the satellite email system. The Bosun located three rusty mice catchers and the Chief Engineer took them off to the engine room workshop so that they could be beefed up to rat-sized catchers. The Office came back and suggested that rat meat was quite a delicacy in some places and supposedly good for improving the performance of males in certain areas - should they suffer so!

This was not the reply that the venerable Master expected and apart from trying to throw the Computer over the side (to which the Chief Officer managed to prevent) he stormed around the ship for the rest of the day, overturning boxes, peering behind bulkheads whilst shouting "here rat, here rat"!

The Bosun had the first stroke of luck. With his newly super-sized rat catcher (one AB had ably proved that it worked and was now in the ships hospital with a broken thumb) he had caught a rat. A rat that was alive was now soon to be history! There was a party that night, the Cook prepared a special meal (it was chicken after all) and wine was issued for the first time since Christmas. The Captain made sure that the Rat was well secured before the Cook started cooking and the Second Mate did not attend the meal. And apart from the Second Mate, the whole ship resounded to the sounds of cheer for the first time since a rat was first seen.

The ship sailed on and slowly to its destination. The crew settled down into their routines, happy that one of the miscreants had been disposed of but still wary and watchful for the remaining beasts. The Captain started a violent and often abusive dialogue with head-office informing them of what they could do with rat meat for different occasions and the Chief and Second Engineers discussed animatedly the business that they could open up ashore; The Rat Trap Builders! The Cadet continued to hear Rats in his new cabin and moved for a third time that week, and the Second Mate sulked in his Cabin and was not seen for days. The AB with the broken finger was told to do light duties only and was posted as a nighttime watchman in the food stores. And the Bosun checked his traps faithfully every hour, polishing them and replenishing them with fresh and juicier foods when he could steal them from the galley!

Life went on.

When the ship arrived at the next port there was a collective sigh of relief from all the Crew and Officers. Everybody (bar none) stepped off the boat as soon as the gangway was down. Those with shore leave promptly disappeared to the bars and those on-duty sat on the Bollard's ashore, with their backs to the vessel. Rat guards had been suitably placed on all the mooring ropes and the gangway had been lifted a suitable distance as to make no contact with the jetty. There had been some disagreement over the gangway and rat stoppers as some Officers suggested that if they were fitted then the Rats on the ship would never be able to leave: overruled!

The head office did the right thing, to the Chief and the Seconds utmost consternation, and sent two massive cage type rat traps and a bag load of poison along with the usual spares and stores for the vessel.

The ship sailed once again with a more relaxed (still-drunk) crew and the new traps where broken out and installed, one on deck and the other in the store room. The Cadet was severely reprimanded as he had taken control of the Poison and liberally thrown most of it around his cabin in an extremely hazardous and unsafe manner. He moved cabin again whilst the crew, with masks and rubber gloves, scooped up the mounds of rat poison from around the deck to use (as per the clearly labeled instructions) in the storerooms were the rats had last been seen.

The Second Mate who had become quite silent and morose, always seemed to have his head hanging down in sadness and defeat. Various works of well-thumbed literature were spotted lying around the ship. Titles of, "Rats of the World", "Vermin and Space" and "Do Rats Care", were being read by various members of the crew (who it seemed had forsaken a beer or two to visit the bookshop whilst in Port). And even one called "Rats and the Frying Pan" which the Cook had hidden unsuccessfully behind a sack of flour was well read by all. The Chief and Second although shocked that the two Rat Traps were so much better than they had made, managed to get over it and proceeded to design and build better ones! The Captain happy that his requisition had been acted on after all was swept by guilt and spent the next few days sending email apologies to all in the Office - to which he never received any replies!

The AB with the broken finger managed to break another one as he fell asleep in the storeroom and rolled over and onto the waiting trap!

The Cadet? Well, he was still moving around the vessel. He did not get much sleep with his worries surrounding him and keeping him ever vigilant. One of his cabins was noted to have bin liners around the doors and porthole and that the Cadet was using an inordinate amount of Fly Spray. But everybody was too busy reading and designing to give him much thought. He was a strange lad anyway!

Yes, the Rats had certainly taken the ship over in style! Another rat was caught taking the count to two but one was still to be found and until such times as this occurred the ship was not at peace with itself!

Things really came to a crunch when another and the final rat was eventually caught. This one was biiiig and very much alive. It had climbed into one of the cages received from the company and was now unable to get out. The Bosun had found it on his rounds and he brought it onto the deck outside. The message soon spread and everybody, even the AB with the broken fingers and the Cadet who had eaten some rat poison and felt sick came to have a goggle.

With the Rat in a cage in the middle many people stared silently. The only sounds that could be heard came from the sharpening of a knife that the Cook held, a slight retching from the area of the Cadet, some sobbing sounds from a head-hanging 2^nd Mate and some technical mumblings from the Engineers. The Rat just sat there and licked his feet whilst staring back happily at his visitors.

The Rat was left on the deck for all the crew to gloat at every so often! The last Rat had been caught and now all concerned could return to a normal and vermin free existence! Freedom at last and a collective sigh of relief could be heard that day.

The ship berthed that night at the next port and after the preventative measures had been made to halt another incursion of Rats onboard, those that could repaired ashore for a drink and a wind down from the stress of before. Those on the ship chatted about everything and anything and then retired for a peaceful sleep for the night. All were safe and free and life could now go on.

The next morning life took a turn to the unexpected worse. With an AB in hospital with two broken fingers and deemed unfit to sail they were short handed. The Cadet was incapable of helping as he was now in the next bed to the AB with severe and possibly fatal burning of his lungs, stomach and well, basically most of his internals were suffering from something or other.

It was also noted quite early on in the morning that the Rat was no longer onboard! A good thing one would say except for the fact that it had been in the cage on deck and that the cage itself was also missing. The Chief Mate eventually informed everybody that whilst having his morning coffee on the bridge he had seen the Second Mate shooting off up the road with the cage in his hands. He didn't tell anybody about it because he didn't like the Second Mate anyway or so he said!

The Captain decided to sail without the Second Mate, the Cadet and AB. It was only a coastal voyage and so the company could get relief's out at the next port two days away. And so they sailed rat free and happy. The Captain continued to send emails of apology and emails of rat updated news to the office to which he still received no response. The Engineers continued banging and hammering away on a new and improved rat-trapping device with warning buzzer. They suitably ignored the fact that the air-conditioning had broken down, that the domestic water pressure was such that it took three hours to refill the toilet and that the bilge's were full and halfway up the sides of the engine (that was red hot so the bilges helped to cool it)!

The Cook informed everybody after lunch that they had eaten rat and was promptly bashed over the head with a frying pan by the Captain and then chained to the stove by the Bosun.

And the ship sailed on rat free but infested none-the-less.

As an epilogue: The Chief Engineer and the Second left the vessel at the next port and started their own Company called "Industrial Rat Traps" and became quite rich from it. The Captain was promptly sacked at the same time due to, "abusive and often incomprehensible emails being sent to the office, which had upset the secretaries and overloaded the Email system". He was asked to go for a health check-up but he refused! The Cadet managed to get better in body but always saw rats around him, he never returned to sea! The Cook was mysteriously beaten half to death and was found in a gutter with a dead rat in his mouth. He survived and was seen many years later running a restaurant in Thailand - a country where rat is a local delicacy! The Bosun was also seen in bars around the world asking questions about Cooks, he also never managed to get a job at sea again.

And the Second Mate? He was never seen or heard of again!

Ieuan Dolby
Author and Webmaster of SeaDolby.com
Copyright © Ieuan Dolby, Feb. 2003