What Mr. Smith had to Say

Look at me sirs; I am completely unable to see my toes from this position! What on earth was a man of my ample girth doing playing football with a group of strapping and nimble-toed youths? The last time that I can recall actually running faster than a snail on sleeping tablets was back in 1954 when I was a lad in the army. And to be quite frank I don't know one end of a football field from another, never got into that sort of lark when I was in my informative years!

The little lad is top notch, always cleaning my car and my path for a few bob or two! Quiet as a mouse and he certainly doesn't make fun of my size like some other kids around here that I could tell you about!

I feel ever so guilty about the circumstance that arose on that disastrous day! Oh, not the lemonade fiasco, I am not making reference to that at all! In fact apart from a slight stomach upset I was back in fine fettle by sun-up! No, I was rather more concerned with the poor boy who became victim to my full body weight; I think Jim is his name. During the initial period of the game I kept away from the rush and just stood my ground, a sentry on duty but at some point I found myself standing alone in the field with the ball rolling to exactly the part of my body that I have problems seeing when standing up.

It was apparent that I must do something with the ball and some invisible force informed me that I must raise a leg! So there I was standing in the middle of the field on one leg and with a football underneath me that I could not see! I wobbled a bit and swayed a bit more but just when I thought I was getting the hang of this lark the little scalawag came charging at me like an enemy tank. And I just fell forwards with the poor lad underneath me, could have suffocated him, what! He managed to plop out and run away but the situation could have developed into nightmare proportions, which thankfully my dear sirs did not happen in this instance.

For the remainder of that game I stood firmly at my post!

Yes, a very well behaved and civilised young man, he will make a fine soldier one day! As a word of advice for him though, keep up the good exercise as to lose the sight of ones toes due to an overly inflated stomach is not conducive to playing sports in the slightest! Right must be away, doing some exercise you know, all that lads doing! Need to lose some weight! Do you know anything about this Tae Kwon Do lark?

Ieuan Dolby
Author and Webmaster of SeaDolby.com
Copyright © Ieuan Dolby, 24th September 2005