General Chitchat

I was at the Doctors the other day! Part of the package that seafarers have to undergo, before they are able to join a ship. Prove that we are healthy and that an arm or two is not going to fall off whilst the ship is halfway across the ocean. They also check for drug usage or abuse, that we have no toes missing and that we can at least see our hands in front of our face without a pair of binoculars.

All very well and an accepted part of the business: for me anyway. I don't take drugs and my arms and legs are well secured in their sockets, both ears function and I can tell the difference between something red and blue, so it is an exercise in patience rather than any worry about the outcome of the medical. I just hate people probing around my body.

Well, there I was at the Doctors awaiting attention and filling in the time by trying to chat up the lady assistant, who was keeping as far away from my sample as was humanely possible. After sounding the offending container from behind a wall of silence she returned to her shell, leaving me to studiously read wall charts of signs of high cholesterol and reminders to get my flue injection for the coming winter months. In Singapore?

After a time the young smiling Doctor came to the door, called my name and in I went to his inner sanctum. Starting with the basics he asked me if I had been here before and when I assured him that I had not, he took my name and dived into the details of a newcomer.

Blood Pressure check, a sight test and a look in my ears and then he asked me to remove my clothes for the all over body inspection.

He asked me to touch my toes and then he ran his fingers up my back. "Wow", he said, "you have an extremely straight back", I've only ever seen one person before with such a straight back!

I sort of assimilated that information slowly. I took that information onboard and started to imagine all sorts of problems that could result from a straight back and came to the conclusion that it meant something was wrong, why else would he mention it? A straight back, oh my, oh no, I was doomed, I had a straight back.

Sitting back down at his desk and as he worked doggedly through the myriad of paperwork, I questioned the young Doctor as to his statement on my straight back. Fearing the worst and readying myself for the bad news that I was sure would come!

"Oh no", he assured me, "nothing wrong, just that it is not often one sees such a straight back these days".

In relief (and with all my clothes on), I sat back and started to ramble away about it being due to all the travelling I had to do in airplanes whilst flying out to join ships. Not really a valid reason I'm sure and he was not in the slightest bit interested, but in my relief that I was not suffering some hunchback producing disease, I let my tongue fly any which way but loose.

Well, the kind Doctor (whilst struggling to fill out the forms) carried on my thread and politely suggested that this could be a possible reason and then moved on to ask why I traveled a lot and that I must have met some interesting people on planes.

Not thinking clearly, I immediately launched into a ramble about hating general chitchat with my fellow passengers (a subject that I have often fallen into) and that I often maintained a severe and erect posture, in an attempt to frighten away those seated next to me from opening up a conversational gambit. I continued my thread by stating that I hated to have inane conversations, and that I would do anything to prevent those near me from talking nonsense just to pass the time.

After saying this there was a moment of silence, instigated mainly by the Doctor and the fact that I had not much left to say on the matter. His head sunk into the paperwork and his face seemed to go a slight reddish color. He continued filling out the paperwork, whilst I sat in my chair wandering if I should have talked so freely and then before I knew it he was ushering me out stating that he would finish off the forms later and send them to my office when completed. An unusual procedure, but I could feel that he wanted to get rid of me as fast as possible.

At his door I turned to shake his hand but he just looked at me and said, "you were here last year, I remember now", before marching back into his office and slamming the door behind him.

I walked out into the sun and proceeded back to my Office. It was then that it dawned on me. Deja vu came flooding back and I could picture the scene exactly one year ago to the day. There I was sitting in the young Doctors Office and telling the poor man that my straight back was due to sitting in airplanes and that I hated to make small talk with anybody!

The poor Doctor, I remember him now!